Knowing That You Are Not Alone

I've mentioned several times before how often people begin to confess their personal situations to me after they've heard my story.  Whether it is through my blog posts or my stage production, the realization that I too am human and have had my share of problems causes people to open up as they would with someone they've known for years.

It's a wonderful feeling to know you aren't alone isn't it?

Whatever your struggle may be--your current living situation, your sexuality, loss of a loved one, your emotional stability, or lack thereof... Everyone has something they deal with that, at the time, seems like they are the only ones who has ever dealt with it.

Common sense tells you that you aren't the first person to experience this and won't be the last, but when you are presently in the struggle, that statement is the last thought on your mind and seems far from the truth.  Your emotions completely cloud your sense or reality, creating the illusion that no one could possibly understand your pain.

We all have a need to want our struggle to be understood and for someone else to empathize with our plight.  That's the whole reason any of us use our talents to share our stories in the first place, right?  We want people to understand what we've been through and we want those who may be struggling now to not feel so alone; perhaps as we did during our lonely journey.

As a homeless mother, this feeling was all too familiar to me.  Not only was it difficult to discuss my family's struggle for fear of judgement from others, but there was always a fear too that social services could take my children away if they felt like I couldn't take care of them.  I knew my children were well taken care of.  I wasn't about to try to prove the fact that they had food, clothing, education, and everything any other child had--they simply did not have beds.

I suffered in silence, not having anyone who could possibly relate.

I taught my kids early to keep a secret when it is for the purpose of protecting our family.  I explained to them why it was so important and I also explained to them that we were not the only ones struggling with this right now.  I told them often that all around the world families are living secretly in their cars, in abandoned buildings, under bridges, etc. and this was, and still is the truth today.

Even during the time when I felt most alone, I aimed to teach and remind my kids that our circumstance was not so unusual, because I knew how debilitating that sense of isolation could be.

It's a sad reality that, if you are experiencing at the moment, may feel like a solitary one, but it is not.  Homelessness is taking place all around us, only many of us choose to ignore it.  It's easy to ignore a problem that people are afraid to talk about.

When people share their stories with me, and elaborate on how my testimony and stage production has impacted their lives, I am overjoyed and so grateful to see how my struggle is now being used to heal others.  Each testimony I hear is like a standing ovation to my soul.  It is a reminder that my struggle was not in vein and as I continue to tell my truth, others will continue to heal, some just by knowing they are not alone.

As difficult and lonely as the situation may have been for me, I am grateful to have lived it because now I can be a voice for the voiceless.  I don't mind putting my journey out there in order to help millions of other people take their journey a little less alone.  For me, it makes it all worth it.

I want to thank those of you who continue to support my journey!

I will be announcing 2017 tour dates very soon and hope that each of you has a chance to experience my stage production for yourself.  Be sure to follow us on all of your social networks and don't miss any updates as we get closer to showtime.

Sponsorship opportunities are also available!  
Email thehomelesstour@gmail.com for more information!

Follow @FaceofHomeless on Twitter!

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Like Us on Facebook! 

If only I'd known about Air B&B.... Well now you do!

Although each of my posts on this blog will be centered around my journey through homelessness and my resulting work with my organization and stage production, "The Face of Homeless", some of my posts will be very specific regarding information I found, or had I known, would have found, useful during my own homeless plight. 

This is because, believe it or not, many of the people who read this blog are either homeless now, or may find themselves facing a similar situation in the future.  I know this because every single time I have performed my stage play or publicized my homeless ventures in any way, I always have people contacting me to tell me about their own personal situation that no one knows about.

Some are currently living in their car, as I did.  Some, staying with their kids in a hotel.  Others are crashing on a friends couch.  The list goes on...

I guess it's because seeing someone else open up about their struggles makes people feel like they finally have someone they can talk to--who can relate--so that they can finally get this load off their chest.

I don't mind it at all.  In fact, I'm honored to be able to assist someone in relieving such a heavy burden.  Especially since I know first hand how difficult that burden can be to bear.

My hope is to encourage and hopefully make life a little easier during your struggle.  I'd like to consider my blog somewhat of a handbook, in many ways, to help people better survive and cope with being homeless because I often think, "how nice it would have been to have a handbook for this". 

Even if you aren't able to find the information I post useful, you may come across someone else who would benefit from it and you can simply pass it on to them.  Hence making the world a better place in your own way.

So let's get down to what tonight's post is really about.

Have you ever come across something that made you say "if only I knew about this when..."

With all the constant inventions, new apps, and even things that have been around for a while but are just now becoming popular, there's bound to be a "hindsight moment" for us all.

One of those "new things" is an app called Air B&B.

For those of you who have no idea what that is, it's an app you can download on your smart phone which allows you to either become a host (offering a room, couch, air mattress, etc. for someone to rent), or a traveler (the person renting).

So the idea is to be able to find a place to stay for significantly less than getting a hotel room, and often more comfortably.

I myself have been a host with Air B&B for about 2 years now and I absolutely love it!

Not only am I able to make extra money every week with my spare room that's only otherwise used on the rare occasion when family visits, but I have an opportunity to meet some pretty amazing people.  Each person that stays at my Bed & Breakfast, leaves their own lasting impression.

Being in the entertainment industry, I'm always looking for new ways to network, and with Air B&B I have met everyone from clothing designers to people who have worked on set of some major films.  Most of my guests connect with me on social media and become a fan of my work.  Some of them even give us nice gifts or share some of their fantastic traveling tales.

The thing is, had I known about Air B&B when we were living in our car, we could have had the opportunity to stay in a nice warm bed and take hot baths every once in a while when we had some extra money. 


At one point, once we did have enough money to get a place, we weren't able to simply because we hadn't had any rental history for several years, so staying at an Air B&B would have been a great option for us because rental history doesn't matter.

There's a lot more to Air B&B than I can write about in one blog.  You really just need to download it and check it out for yourself.  Depending on what area you are in, there are all kinds of different places available to stay and you can search for one and filter them based on what you can afford.

So, whether you are currently in need of a place to stay, are traveling and want to find a place that won't break the bank like a hotel will, or you want to host and make some extra money yourself by renting out your space--Air B&B is an app I advise everyone to check out!

If you like this post, please share & comment below!  Feel free to ask questions also and I'd be happy to answer them as best I can!

Unconditional Love

With just a couple of hours until Valentine's Day, I thought it only appropriate to write my blog this evening about LOVE.

There are different types of love... The love you have for your children, your parents... There's the love you have that the Bible tells you to--to love your neighbor.  You love your friends and you love a stranger in need... but the only REAL LOVE is "Unconditional Love".

The problem with most people, and why so many relationships don't last, is that the love they have for their spouse, relative, or friend is conditional.

I love you as long as you give me...

I love you until you use my trigger against me then I'm done.

I love you until you get on my nerves. (LOL... that's a popular one!)

But REAL LOVE is not based on any condition of what a person can do for you, how they behave, or what they give you.  When you love someone unconditionally, there is absolutely nothing they can say or do to deter you from loving them until the end of time.

God must have known that this type of love would be hard for us as humans to grasp.  He sent Jesus to be the greatest example of that love.  Even if you are someone who doesn't believe that Christ is the Messiah--no matter what your religion, you've heard the stories.  And what a great love story it is to know that someone who never actually knew us personally, knew every one of our struggles, and our weaknesses and loved us anyway, despite our flaws, and gave his life, in his own suffering, so that we may have life.

Wow!  If that isn't love I don't know what is.

I think one of the most accurate modern day examples (besides God's never ending love for us) is the love a mother has for her children.  In the pain of childbirth she knows her very life is at stake to bring life to this little person who has done no wrong.  She vows to protect them and never let any harm come to them.  She vows to give them the life she never had.  For most mothers, this promise is unconditional--no matter what her children do or say, she will always keep that promise.

When you have unconditional love for someone, forgiveness overflows before they've even apologized for the wrong they've done.  You can't seem to stay mad at them.  No matter what type of crazy nonsense they do, you somehow understand where they're coming from eventually and your only response is to love them even harder.

Husbands and wives make vows to each other every day... Through sickness and health... for better or for worse... until death do us part... but few really mean it from the depths of their soul, which is why so many marriages end in divorce.  If they meant those vows there would be nothing too hard for them to work through, no matter how devastating it may seem at the time.

Now there are instances in which people must go their seperate ways, realizing maybe they've taken their relationship to a place it was never meant to be in the first place and now there is more pain than joy, more suffering than living.  In that case, it doesn't mean you hate them suddenly.  In fact, if you loved them unconditionally, that love should never go anywhere, even when the context of your relationship has changed.

Think for a moment of someone who has wronged you.

Did they do it on purpose?  Was their intent to bring you harm?  Does their behavior stem from their own pain, past, character or do you think it's really personal toward YOU?  Have you forgiven them?

Now regardless of how you answered the questions above, ask yourself, do you still love them?  If not, are you sure it was LOVE you were feeling for them in the first place.

This one is probably going to spark some conflicting opinions, and please leave them, because I love your feedback.  I just don't believe that REAL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is experienced as often as people think these days.

I can speak on this because I know I am capable of this kind of love.  After years following Jesus' example and tending to the homeless, there was never anyone too dirty for me to hug or too smelly to wrap my arm around their shoulder and just poor out that Christ kinda love on them.

Throughout my life there are people who have done me wrong, betrayed me, lied on me... Even still, because I love them unconditionally, I've forgiven them (although sometimes it can take a while, I'm only human).

It is my wish and dream that more people will learn this unconditional love and begin to act and walk in it.  Imagine what a better place the world would be if people lived LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY!

Until next Monday... Happy Valentine's Day!  GOD LOVES YOU AND SO DO I!

Don't Ever Forget Where You Came From!

Tonight I'm going to keep it short & simple... mostly because my head is about to explode and I'm in bed with the flu or some kind of bug.-- Like I said before, I'm blogging on Mondays, no matter what.

As I lay here, I can't help but be grateful for the fact that I have a bed to lay in, and I can't help but reflect back on the times when I did not.  Even then, somehow I found a way to be grateful for everything I did have.

Have you ever done that?

When times are hard and so much seems to be going wrong, have you ever looked around and stopped to think about how much worse someone else has it, then it makes you grateful for every little thing--maybe even a little ashamed for being ungrateful in the first place?

If you haven't, you probably should try it.  It's a good skill to have and it helped me not only get through being homeless with my family, living in our car, but it helped me see my struggle as one of the greatest and happiest times in my life.

I know what you're thinking... when we were homeless, it was one of the happiest times of my life??

Are you kidding me?

No, I'm quite serious.  In the beginning I was very bitter.  I felt like I worked too hard to be struggling this way and I didn't deserve it.  I looked at the situation as a punishment or curse instead of a blessing in disguise.

 

Over time, and with the help of all the other homeless people I helped through my organization, I realized that sleeping in a car at night wasn't so bad when there were so many people sleeping up under a bridge or on the front steps of a church with nothing to protect them from the elements.

I had it made with a bunch of soft, warm blankets and pillows, and of course my children to snuggle up next to at night, wrapped inside the safety and comfort of our vehicle.  I realized there are people who live in mansions with security alarms who aren't even as grateful as I was.

I'll never forget staring up at the moon every night trying to envision and manifest a greater future for us but still counting the many blessings I already had and reminding myself never to forget this moment.

Instead of wishing I'd never gone through the struggle, or asking God "WHY?', like we so often do, I look back on that time in my life and I say "Thank You".  Not only did my family and I learn life lessons that molded us for the better, we gained a story that we plan to use to make the world a better place.

In my stage play, "The Face of Homeless", I share some of that story, along with parts of other stories from people who may have been even worse off then we were.

In my book, that you'll be able to purchase real soon, I share every detail of the life changing experience.

Although I'm not where I'm going just yet, I'm certainly not where I used to be, and every day I'm grateful for where I've come from.

So I urge you today, as you travel on your journey of life, to see every moment as a blessing whether you are currently in it, or it's a testimony from the past.  Take time to realize how truly blessed you are even during those times when it doesn't feel much like a blessing.

Until next Monday...

...And in the meantime be sure to check out our stage production, "The Face of Homeless".  Here are a few screen shots from the making of the show for you to enjoy.  Make sure you FOLLOW US on Facebook & on Instagram!

Behind the scenes in the making of "The Face of Homeless" with actress/writer 
Vitelle Webb playing "Violet".  

Actor Wardell Richardson plays "Nicholas" (the dad), 
alongside Rayshaud & Norman Webb who play themselves.

Put the Mask on Yourself First!

Last week I posted about why Monday's are so important to me and how my organization, "The Feed the Homeless Tour" fed hundreds of homeless people every single Monday rain or shine for several years.

So you're probably wondering now...

WHAT HAPPENED TO MONDAYS?

Well, there's an explanation as well as a lesson to be learned here.

As you already know, if you've kept up with my journey, during the time my family was able to do the most for others, we happened to be homeless ourselves.  No one knew at the time that we lived in our car, and no one would have ever assumed, since we did so much to help other people.

Sadly, the few people I did confide in with this personal information ended up abandoning me.  One chose to no longer be my friend, some assumed we "chose" to be homeless and they criticized me for their ignorant assumptions.

For whatever their reasons, I learned the hard way that our circumstance was best kept a secret.

Let me state for the record that we NEVER chose to be homeless!

There were times when we could have stayed in a shelter, but like many homeless families, we chose not to be separated, with dad in one shelter and mom and the kids in a completely different unsafe place clear across town.

There were times when friends would offer that we stay with them.  Unfortunately, my husband's pride would not allow this and I had to decline the offer being someone eager to please God by obeying my husband's wishes.

At the end of the day, no matter how many options we were faced with, based on our personal circumstances (everyone's are different), living in our car together was really our best and only option at the time, so that's what we ended up doing, for lack of more appealing choices.

We had everything we needed, really.  We had food, clothing, and although it wasn't an ideal or comfortable place, we had a place to lay our heads.  That was much more than we could say for many other homeless people, and therefore we were grateful despite our lack of a permanent housing structure.

So as I mentioned in my previous post, helping other people even less fortunate than us, who didn't even have a car to sleep in, became what got me through each day.

There's a rule of thumb that you may have heard if you've ever flown in a plane. Your flight attendant will announce before take off... be sure, in the event of an emergency, that you put the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others who may need your assistance.

This was a completely foreign concept to me when I first heard it.  Not only have I never flown, but my natural instinct in the event of an emergency is to help everyone else first.  How could I possibly be so selfish?
 
It was a sermon at church that introduced me to this concept and once he explained why, it was like a revelation for me.  I knew that God was telling me that my vision for what I'd like my organization to become could never come to pass if I "kill myself" trying to make it happen.  I HAD TO PUT THE OXYGEN MASK ON MYSELF.

This message came to me at a point in time when it had become a daily struggle to continue with our feedings, collect donations each week, answer the phone constantly for all the people who now had my number to call for help.

As much as I loved helping people, it was becoming more of a burden than I could bare and I was no closer to having my own family housed than the day we started.  In fact, it was becoming even harder to provide for my own family because the longer we stayed homeless, the more I accepted it as my reality and the less I aspired to be and do something greater, which was what brought me to Atlanta in the first place.

I became aware of the fact that I would stay stuck in this place of poverty if I continued to operate this way.  Not only that, but my health began to deteriorate, my marriage fell apart, and I worried that my children would suffer long term if I didn't establish some stability for them soon.  That's when I realized, it was time for me to put on the oxygen mask.

As hard as it was for me to do, I decided to focus on self and home first.  I set a goal, and still maintain my mission to this day, that we will have hundreds of "FTHT Buildings" across the country that do everything we did for the homeless out in the parks on Mondays.

Our facilities will not only house people, but also provide them with food, clothing, hygiene items, job search assistance, training, and so much more.  It will be a "one stop shop" for everything someone needs to get out of homelessness--but in order for me to make it happen, I must first get myself to a place financially in which this vision is a very realistic and current possibility.

Maybe you are like I was and currently find yourself struggling to make something you know God has called you to do happen, but you seem to be beating yourself against a wall because every time you accomplish one thing, two more things fail.  Perhaps it is time for you to ask yourself, "are you putting the mask on yourself first"?

If your goal is to do something great that will benefit those around you, you have to realize, just as I did, that you cannot help anyone until your own home, life, finances, etc. are in order.  Then, not only will you be established and better equipped to accomplish what it is you were called to do, but you will be much more effective in doing so without the sacrifice of your own mental and physical health and well being.  How can you help anyone if you're dead after all?  You will do more, go further, and make a bigger impact once you yourself can breathe.

We at "The Feed the Homeless Tour" are building from the ground up and this time we are laying a firm foundation that will not be able to be shaken or destroyed.  We will make a bigger impact and end homelessness for more families than we could have ever imagined.

And we will still do it, as our motto says, "One State & One Heart at a Time"... but this time we will start at home and soon we will change the world!


For more information on how you can be a part of the movement...
Email us at thehomelesstour@gmail.com.

Why I Blog on Mondays... "Rain or Shine"

If you've followed my organization, "The Feed the Homeless Tour" for a while, you probably already know the significance of Mondays.  If not, allow me to give you some background.

In 2011, shortly after relocating to Georgia, I decided to make everything I did with the homeless, (giving food, job referrals, hygiene items, helping find housing, etc.) an official organization. Back in Kentucky, I had done some volunteering and helping random homeless people, so naturally, once I became familiar with the city, I started doing what I could for people in Atlanta whenever I had the opportunity.

Eventually people started wanting to help and they became volunteers. I can't really say how we went from that to an official 501c3 with a business license to do what we had been doing for years; I can say it wasn't easy to get to that point. So many people would suggest it to me, it seemed like the way to go. Plus it made since that more people would support and larger organizations would help if I got incorporated, then we'd be able to help even more people.

  

We were able to do things on a much larger scale after branding our organization. Several different companies, including Denny's, Whole Foods, Krystal's, and Ultimate Donuts, just to name a few, would donate food to us throughout the week--Food that they would have eventually thrown out otherwise.  Thankfully many places saw the benefit of helping people in need rather than filling up their trash with perfectly edible food.

Every single Monday, come rain or shine (as our motto proclaimed), we would rise before the sun, package food into individual containers, and load up everything we had been donated to begin our journey to Hurt Park in downtown Atlanta for our weekly event.

I had promised my people I'd be there no matter what.  So, after several months of no setbacks or interference, we woke up to our first stormy Monday.  I knew there would probably be less volunteers due to the weather but I'd stressed many times "rain or shine", so I was determined to follow through on my word, even if myself, husband, and our kids were the only ones to help.  I promised my people in the park I would be there no matter what.  I reminded myself that when it storms, they have no where to escape the elements so who am I to hide indoors.  They'll be in that park no matter what and so would I.

I'll never forget that day, as we drove up to Hurt Park, I peered ahead through the storm only to see the relief and expectation on the faces of the people huddled under a tree in the rain.  My family and I jumped out of the car to begin distributing food and hygiene items as usual.  Immediately the people gathered around us attempting to shield us from the rain with their umbrellas.  One man walked up to me, looked me right in the eyes, and said these words...

"I knew you'd still be here."

Those words will forever resonate in my soul.  I cried and wrapped my arms around that man and responded, "nothing can stop me".  I knew the responsibility I had placed on myself to always be there for them every Monday.  Sometimes I'd show up randomly throughout the week if we'd get some extra donations, but I'd ALWAYS be there on Monday.

We experienced many obstacles over the years, even had some health issues on a Sunday night and insisted I get released from the hospital in time to get to my people in the park.  I got out just in time, IV entry wounds still fresh on my veins, but I had to be there.  I'd even gotten my teeth pulled one Monday morning and even though I couldn't talk, everyone knew I still had to be there, voiceless or not. I let my volunteers do all the talking that day.

Sometimes my people would say, "you don't need to be out here, you need to go lay down somewhere", but I wouldn't listen.  For years I let nothing stop us, funds ran low and I'd been struggling to keep my own head above water since during most of this time, unknown to many, my own family was living in the same car we would provide food from. I think in some ways insisting on being there for them every Monday was healing for me. I couldn't get my own family into a home, I didn't make enough money to even take care of us the way I wanted to, but by taking care of what ended up being hundreds every Monday, somehow it made me feel like I wasn't so much of a failure after all.  Somehow, focusing on other people's problems made mine seem small. Besides, there was something about being able to give to so many that made me feel rich.

So now here I am, writing a blog about my struggles with homelessness, my adventures with my organization, the stage production that has come out of it, the book and everything that is still to come; hoping to share some encouragement and inspiration with all who read it. I don't know which of us needs this blog more, me or my readers, but I know that it is extremely important that I am fully dedicated to writing it.  It is only the beginning of many things to come that will soon fund more assistance for more homeless people than I ever could have provided before... and that is why it is so important that I post a blog every Monday... rain or shine!

No matter how many people read this, there will always be that one who needs to read it... that one who says to me, "I knew you'd still be here".

In Honor of My Hero, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I was not fortunate enough to have met the honorable Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., yet he is probably one of my greatest influences and inspirations of all time.

One of the first questions people usually ask me is, "what inspired you to want to help the homeless"?  I will tell you, at first, it was simply that I saw someone homeless, and felt a natural concern and urge to want to change their circumstance.  I recognized this reality of homeless people as an injustice, and I felt the weight of the problem, even before the problem became my own.  I imagine there are just people, like Dr. King himself, who are born with the natural instinct of a hero--You see someone with a problem, or a circumstance you know isn't right, and you NEED to fix it.

When you think about it, there are 3 categories that every person can be put into...

1.  Those who make a difference & try to fix the problem.

2.  Those who choose to ignore the problem or make excuses.

-and-

3.  Those who add to the problem & make things worse.

Take a moment and think about which one of these categories you fall into.  I'm not asking you to tell me the answer; just be honest with yourself about this one.

The reality is that there is a problem; there always has been.  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. saw multiple problems in America.  He stood, first, for Civil rights; Equality for men and women of all races, because he saw the problem--the way people of color were treated compared to their white counterparts.  People remember Dr. King most for this, but he also stood for Economic rights as well.  In fact, when he was gunned down, he was in Memphis, TN for the purpose of supporting a sanitation worker's strike as a part of his "Poor People's Campaign".  Dr. King was clearly one of those people who would work to fix a problem, wether it was his own or not.  Some of us just cannot live with ourselves if we don't try to make a difference, and many of us, like Dr. King, will die trying.

I've always fallen into the 1st category I listed.  I was the person in school who was quiet, until I saw someone else being picked on, then, it's almost like I became someone else, standing up to any bully for a complete stranger.  This personality was already engraved in me, and only grew stronger when I had the privilege of experiencing homelessness for myself.

... Go ahead and back track if you must, but you did read that right! 

I said... "I had the privilege of being homeless".

Although it was not a life I chose, or wanted, especially for my children... in hindsight I now understand the "why" that I'd asked God so many times.  We always ask God "why is this happening to me", but we rarely pay attention when He answers us.  I simply choose to see the why and live in the purpose and calling God has clearly placed on my life.

Sure I already had a heart for the homeless and would have tried to "be the change I wish to see" no matter what... but I never would have known first hand how extreme the issue of poverty and homelessness really was.  I never would have known how many organizations don't really help the homeless, until I needed them to help my own family.  I never would have learned to be so grateful for every single luxury I have, had I not had to do without so many times.  Therefore I consider it a privilege to have "walked a mile in those shoes".

I often find myself wondering if this self-inflicted obligation to make a difference in the world is a blessing or a curse.  If I had the opportunity to meet Dr. King, I would ask him this question, because I know he would understand what I mean--and even though I can't ask him, I know just what he would say.  Even after being arrested so many times; he and his family being threatened; being beaten; and even assassinated; I know if he was given the choice, he would do it all again--because people who fall into category #1, who need to make a difference, will insanely sacrifice in order to do so... It's just the way we are wired.

So today I dedicate my blog to my hero, the only person I've never met who I know understands me, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  Yes, when you ask me what inspired me to want to help the homeless... people like Dr. King, who never ignored a problem so great, are what inspired me.  I can only hope to make even a fraction of the impact that he and countless other heroes made for generations to come!

Thank you! 

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"THE FACE OF HOMELESS"

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