I haven't had a chance to add to my blog in a while. In fact, it's hard to decide exactly what to write at this moment. There's been so much going on in my life, I wouldn't even know where to begin if I could. It's hard to even bring myself to type at all, let alone find an encouraging word for you.
You ever have a time in your life when you feel like life is just happening to you? No matter what you do, or how positive you may be, you just can't seem to catch a break!
Sometimes it can feel like you're about to completely lose your mind if just one more thing goes wrong.
Yup! That's been my life lately.
I don't know about you, but all I want to do is live my life... I'm tired of life living me!
It can often seem as though just as soon as you think you've figured out how to live a peaceful happy existence there's another unexpected dilemma thrown into the mix. Not to mention if you're someone who tries your best to live life right...
You know...
Love everyone and treat them with kindness... don't break the law... try to be the best version of you that you can be... that's when you wonder "WHY ME?!", and it sure does seem like it's always something with you!
I'll be honest here... I don't know what more to say at this point. I thought I'd start off this blog just stating the facts of how much life can suck... something to get me going rather than just NOT write at all like I've been doing. I thought I'd get a revelation to give you by now, but honestly the last thing I feel like doing right now is preaching some positive mumbo jumbo.
"It's all going to work out." "Keep pressing forward." "Stay positive."
Or my favorite... "Look at the bright side. "
Let's face it, sometimes there's not really much of a bright side.
So what are you supposed to do when life seems to be spiraling out of control this way? When things are so bad you can't even find one encouraging word to share.
Well... I'll tell you what you do...
NOTHING!!
I know what your thinking.... Oh Lord, Vitelle has really lost it! She's over here telling us to give up, but that's not what I said. I simply said do nothing!
If you're like me, when life is crazy your first reaction is "OH GOD! WHAT DO I DO?!"
You instinctively want to resolve whatever problem presents itself. Often times you may make a choice thinking it is the best solution and it actually end up making things much worse.
Other times you're so fearful of making the wrong choice you waste all your time freaking out about what to do and never really come to a conclusion. Or you hastily make a decision that may have turned out better had you waited or thought it through a little longer.
Sometimes the best thing to do is literally nothing at all. I've been known to worry myself sick about what I should do. I always get the feeling that I'm running out of time and whatever the problem is it has to be resolved RIGHT NOW! And even though it may feel that way to me at the moment, that usually isn't the case.
Ask yourself, whatever it is that you're dealing with, what's going to happen if you don't do something about it NOW? If you took care of it tomorrow, or just waited to see what happens next before you make any moves, would the situation be any worse at that time than it is now? Chances are it probably won't.
In fact, you'll probably make a more educated and beneficial decision if you're calm and have taken the time to think through every possible outcome. Don't make the mistake that I have so many times. Sometimes doing nothing is best.
I'm sure you've heard the following phrases... "Time heals"... "In time you will see"... "Time reveals all"...
... but I've got a new one for ya! "Time decides."
The next time you're faced with an overwhelming circumstance and difficult decisions to make, give it some time. Do nothing for a moment (or something that has nothing to do with the situation just to get your mind off it for a moment, like binge watching Season 2 of Stranger Things that just came out on October 27th) and see if time may be a better decision maker than yourself. Sometimes things have a way of working themselves out without your help.
In light of recent repeat occurrences of hurricanes, I thought it only appropriate to make my blog about storms tonight. More specifically the storms that we all experience, on a regular basis, no matter where we live.
I'm talking about the storms that come and threaten to take more than your home and belongings, but your sanity, dignity, and maybe even your life.
As I sit here in North Georgia listening to the winds of Irma beating my house, wondering how we're even having this problem when we're not even near the ocean, I can't help but think about the storms I have experienced; past and present.
Like natural disasters, the storms that come into our lives can be minor, or so big they last longer or impact more people around you than you'd anticipated they would.
The storms can often be seen coming so that we can better prepare. We can try to anticipate the damage, how long they'll last... We can prepare by buying food, batteries, flashlights... We can board up the windows then get into our basements with plans to ride it out.
What's interesting is that when you see the storm coming you only have two options, either you evacuate or you ride it out. Storms don't really give us much of a buffet of choices. Often our personalities, determination, or how we feel about our possessions we'd be leaving behind are what determine whether or not we ride it out or run. Neither option is really the right or wrong one, but there's only two and when that storm is on the way, it gives you no choice but to choose one--and you'd better choose quick.
Just like our own personal storms, there are so many types--tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, tropical storms, tsunamis... Countless storms and natural disasters just like the ones that can come into your life like a whirlwind just when the sun seems to be shining so brightly on you.
The one thing that all of these storms have in common is that THEY DO NOT LAST. When was the last time you've seen a never ending hurricane or an endless twister? Yes, some may last longer than others and some feel like they'll never end... but eventually they all do. It is this knowledge that helps us to cope through each of life's storms and somehow come out stronger after each one is over.
After the storm we tend to band together, helping one another, rebuilding, starting new. In most cases it is almost refreshing. Most importantly, life goes on. There is life after the storm.
So whether you're dealing with some really crazy storms in your life right now, or you're literally battling an act of nature, the most important thing to remember is that this too shall pass.
Once you get through this part that seems impossible to see beyond--the pain, the turmoil, the devastation... it will end. The sun will shine again. And perhaps you'll learn a thing or two; maybe be better prepared for whatever life throws at you next. The fact is, you can look forward to an end eventually. So stay strong and know your sun will shine again... after the storm.
Today is a day that will forever go down in history for many of us. When our kids are older, they'll probably remember exactly what they were doing for the Solar Eclipse in 2017. The reality of this thought is what caused me to make the last minute decision to check my kids out of school and drive North were we'd be right in the path of the total lunar eclipse... a once in a lifetime event!
Even though it took only an hour to get there but about 3-4 hours to get back--because everyone else had the same plan apparently--it was well worth the journey. I'll never forget that experience with my children and I'm sure they never will either.
On the drive home I passed a sign that said, "What's blocking the sun in your life?"
Like many I was already in deep thought since I'd just witnessed an astonishing phenomenon, but seeing that sign took me even deeper.
If you've been following me on social media, you've probably noticed that I've been living my life to the fullest lately, even more than I previously had. In just the past week I've flown for the first time on a plane, visited "Ripley's Believe It Or Not" in Orlando, climbed mountains and hiked with my boys through Talullah Gorge where I also slid down sliding rock into the deep lake below, and camped in the wilderness at Camp Rainey Mountain.
Don't worry, I haven't been diagnosed with a life threatening ailment... I've simply come to the conclusion that life is much too short to be living for anything other than... well... LIFE!
Every moment I get to make memories with my family; try things I've never tried; experience, see, and learn all there is to discover on this beautiful earth is a moment I don't want to take for granted and the more I practice this lifestyle, the more I couldn't imagine it any other way!
The concept of living life to the fullest has likely crossed your mind on a regular basis but so few of us actually begin to walk in this notion. So the question is, what is stoping you from shining as the bright star you were created to be? Is there something or someone standing in your way?
If you wake up each day simply to go to work, make money to take care of your bills, eat, sleep, then do it all again, you are likely experiencing some sort of blockage. Unless of course you just love getting up and working hard all day to make ends meet, pay taxes, and pay for a house you barely have time to live in.
Now I know what you're thinking, "I have to work! Bills have to be paid!".... and that's all well and true... BUT, have you ever thought about consolidating your bills so that you aren't working so hard living paycheck to paycheck? Are there things you can live without? Is there some way to make that thing you REALLY love to do the same thing that pays the bills? Even if it isn't paying much at first, are there some ways you can downsize until it's making more than enough?
I know that minimalistic living isn't for everyone but have you ever thought about how much more time you could spend with the people you love, or doing the things you love to do, if you didn't have so much stuff or need so much money to pay for it? If you didn't have that fancy car or furniture you're still paying off, what would you do with the extra cash?
Remember this... no one has ever come to the end of their life and thought, "Man I sure wish I had made more money or had more things!"
So why not start now thinking about the things you wish you had more time for and start making more time for them... even if that means making more time for yourself. As they say, where there is a will there is a way! So just do it... start today! (Promise I did not mean to rhyme there.)
You must move whatever it is that's stoping you from shining! Whether it is your own fear, your past, or even someone you love holding you back, you've got to decide what's most important and live your life shining despite any setbacks! Don't get to the end of your life and realize you never really lived! Start living today because each amazing moment of your life only happens once and then it's gone!
Tonight I'm writing about a harsh reality that has taken me years to come to grips with, and honestly sometimes I still don't want to admit it.
I'm being reminded of this fact as I sit here watching one of my favorite Netflix shows, The 100. I love this show for so many reasons but the main one is simply because it is the greatest representation of human nature that I've ever seen.
As humans, our need to survive, willingness to do whatever it takes for our families, eagerness to want to do what's right, and frailty in the face of unavoidable decisions that must be made throughout our lives, we are all bound to make mistakes, have regrets, win some and lose some.--Tis the journey of our existence.
For the most part we try to do the right thing and in most cases, even when not everyone agrees, we make our decisions based on what we think will turn out best for ourselves, our loved ones, and if the circumstance allows, the majority of all people. Regardless of who we are or where we come from, we are all wired to survive.
Many of us on the other hand are wired with something a little more than just our own natural survival instincts. Some of us are consistently insistent on saving everyone else even if it means sacrificing their own well being. Those of us, myself included, who suffer from this need to help, heal, change, set in motion actions that can change the world often have a hard time facing the fact when the instance arises in which there's "nothing more they can do".
I say "suffer from" because some of us can't sleep at night from the constant knowledge of there being people who need us. I speak for myself when I say, I can't rest in my comfortable bed when I know someone else is huddled under a bridge with their children. It's hard for people like us to come to grips that this is reality and there is literally no way to change this for everyone. Yet we still strive each day and do our best to at least change it for as many as we can.
The unhealthy fact is that if we let our need to save consume us, being that there will always be so many who need saving in this world, we can lose our own health, minds, and happiness in the process. I've let myself get to this point too many times before I realize that if I'm out of commission because I've literally burned myself out, who can I help at that point?
You've heard me say so many times that you must put the mask on yourself first in order to help anyone else. Let me also add that once you've done this, you can only help as many as you can help. The goal is to always do your best, never give up, and when the journey is over, don't live with regrets for the ones you couldn't save, be at peace with the fact that you did everything you could do and likely set into motion for others to follow in your footsteps, aiding millions more because of what you started.
Another matter of fact--you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. In the charitable world, especially dealing with homeless individuals, there are many who simply do not want your help. Some of them don't even know why. Perhaps bitterness? Pain? Whatever the cause, if you're like me, you can become so obsessed with helping that one person who continues to refuse your help that you miss out on all the ones you could have helped in the meanwhile.
So two facts I consistently repeat to myself so that I can rest assured I've done all that I can do each day...
1. You can't save them all. Just do your best.
2. You can't save anyone who doesn't want to be saved.
When you come to grips with these two truths, you will gain peace of mind to continue on your heroic life journey knowing that you are performing at your maximum ability to aid as many as you are able. You are serving the purpose you where put on this earth for--the one that pulls at your heart daily. The rest, you must understand, can only be left in the more capable hands of God.
It's been difficult to write every single Monday because life has been so hectic and stressful lately.
I just wanted to take a moment to encourage those of you who may be going through a difficult time or have difficult decisions to make. One thing that has helped me recently is meditation. I've often prayed through my struggles but sometimes you reach a breaking point in which you're just too weak to even find the words to ask for help. Or other times you have no idea what to even ask for--you're unsure what you really want or need.
A friend of mine told me about this app called "Insight Timer". You can download it on your phone in the app store. It's a great way to practice meditation and has really helped me through those times when I'm just too broken to find the words or strength to pray. I can relax my body and mind and just focus on positive energy and affirmations to begin to change all the negative energy around me.
As a matter of fact, I'm about to wrap this blog up and go meditate right this moment. We don't always know what we want or even what we need but I'd like to think that health, joy, peace, love, happiness... these things should be at the top of our list no matter who we are. These things are what I focus and meditate on when everything else is unstable and unsure. Focus on the good things and surely everything else will fall into place.
I've got a lot of projects in the works that I hope to bring to you real soon. In the meantime thank you for continuing to support my endeavors. I wish you all peace, love, joy and happiness!
I literally just completely started tonight's blog all over because as I was writing about "Taking Care of YOU" I got thrown all the way off track... Distracted as is usually the case when I'm trying to blog, so now my blog is going to be about DISTRACTIONS.
I already missed last Monday between traveling, family, photoshoots & the usual chaos, so I refuse to not write anything today... Which by the time you read this will be Tuesday. Better late than never.
I've had so many people tell me how reading my blogs have helped them, or how they look forward to my blogs, so I feel even more obligated to come through on a good, relatable topic that could possibly make someone's day or week.
We all experience distractions, especially during a time that we are trying to focus on something we know deep down in our hearts we need to do. Many people call this "our calling". Whatever title you choose to give it, it never fails that life's obstacles can begin to get in the way of you accomplishing that which you have set out to complete.
Sometimes it may not be a negative distraction but rather a distraction of something you like... Say for instance when your favorite movie comes on and completely distracts you from what you know you were supposed to be doing then you end up not doing it at all.
Distractions can come in all forms and either be life changing, traumatizing, or even pleasing. The trick is being able to recognize when you are being distracted and working hard to not get too far off track. Whether it's as simple of a distraction as your favorite song playing on the radio or as serious and painful as a death in the family, knowing that these tactics are often used to throw you off course should help you get back on track as quickly as possible. The problem is, depending on the type of distraction, many people choose to give up. Especially if they happen to experience multiple distractions and eventually reach a breaking point.
There were many times during my own journey through homelessness that I was distracted to the point of almost throwing in the towel. Losing my apartment, source of income and having to make the tough decision to live in my car with my children was the biggest distraction ever. Yet instead of letting it cause me to give up, I used it as fuel to drive the calling that I know I have on my life. I allowed my distracting circumstance to make me stronger and even though it may have seemed to set me back a period of time, I still looked at it as a growth process along my journey.
See how even something meant to distract you can turn out to be a tremendous asset to your calling if you choose to press forward through it? It is easier said than done but I know if I could do it with that situation then you can handle it too.
What is your calling? What are some things God is using you for? Just like my blog and how me writing it helps so many people, the enemy often tries to prevent me from even writing it in the first place. Instead of not writing at all, I used the circumstance to fuel my topic for the evening, and who knows, this may have been exactly what someone needed to hear.
Distractions happen to us all and often when we least expect it. So I say to you my friend, stay on guard of your life's purpose and don't let anything or anyone distract you from your destiny.
I didn't get around to posting on Monday this week because I've been on set for the last few days working 15-18 hours a day on the new movie TAG starring Isla Fisher, Jeremy Renner, Ed Helms & Leslie Bibb. I'm sitting on set right now taking it all in.
This is my first time back on a major motion picture since I had my baby and there's a million things going on in my mind I want to share with you... but I suppose for the sake of time I better pick one so I can get back to work.
I was just sitting here enjoying just being in the presence of what I love. When something is your passion, it doesn't matter who else likes it or understands it, it's yours and you just couldn't imagine yourself without it. After being on a maternity hiatus for a while, I'm just so happy to be getting back in the swing of things and basking in the presence of the chaos that is #setlife. I had forgotten how much I needed this.
Sadly, not everyone becomes an entertainer because they feel the way that I do about the industry itself. In fact, most people become entertainers for two reasons.
THE FAME & THE FORTUNE.
What's ironic is that neither of those is usually accomplished by most aspiring actors and artists yet they keep striving in hopes to soon own a mansion on a hill or have people running up asking for their autographs and making them feel more important than they are.
Personally I don't believe in doing anything for money or social status but rather because it is what you absolutely love to do. If you don't love it, you can manage to have all the money and popularity in the world and never truly be happy. Your happiness won't come from owning things or maintaining a social status.
I just want to encourage you all that whatever you do, do something you love. What is it that wakes you up each morning? What job would you go out and do every day even if it didn't pay or even if you never got credit for doing it?
If your goals are solely money and power you will end up unhappy and feeling like you've failed in life. You'll never get that feeling of success because the thing you use to measure your success is not what's in your heart, but what's in your wallet. The feeling of completion is not something that is tangible or anything that money can buy.
Your job shouldn't feel like a job but a privilege and an honor. I'm so honored to be here on set today! My role is that of Susan's (Leslie Bibb) friend and Bridesmaid in her wedding party. It's not a big role. I don't even have a name... just "Susan's friend". But the way I feel inside just partaking in what brings me joy, you would think I'd landed the lead role in the movie of the century! I'm that elated to be doing what I love.
How many of you can say that about your jobs? If you can't, it may be time to reevaluate where you are and start today really following your heart. Life is too short to just work for a paycheck and be miserable. Find what brings you joy and go after it, whatever it may be.
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”
James 1:19 (NLT)
That scripture pretty much says it all. There really isn't any need for me to write a full length blog because I honestly couldn't have said it better than the Bible itself.
This message is something that's been on my mind for quite some time now and I've been focusing my energies on helping my children understand this concept as well. It's my hope that I'm able to teach them some things now that many adults haven't fully grasped yet so that by the time they're older, hopefully things will be a little less of a struggle for them.
I'm being honest when I say that although I've known this scripture since my youth, I've just recently learned how to obey it, and am still perfecting the craft.
God knew how important it was that this message be a part of his instructions as I'm sure he knows how difficult it can be for the human race to listen to others, know when to be quiet, and control their tempers.
I admit that on a daily basis I've probably failed at at least one, if not more, of these simple tasks. However, over the last couple of weeks I have made it a primary focus to get in a habit of all of the above and I have found that the most important of the three is also the hardest... being able to keep your mouth shut.
In these past few weeks, I have proven to myself that if you are wise enough to know when to be quiet, all the other requirements will fall into place. For example, if you are quiet and don't respond to someone who is arguing with you, it is much harder to get angry or for that feeling to escalate as it would if you decided to participate with your own verbal abuse in return. And naturally, if you are not speaking, you're going to be more inclined to listen.
Not only are we humans inclined to always have to say something, defend ourselves, share our opinions, etc. but I believe that it has become a misconception that the quiet person is the weak person, especially when it comes to matters of speaking up in order to defend yourself. This is a misconception that has been planted in us since childhood when we were often told to "speak up for yourself" as if we were failures when we did not.
As an adult, it's important to realize that quiet doesn't mean weak at all. On the contrary, it actually shows great strength and wisdom. It's not easy to choose your words wisely, pick and choose your battles, listen rather than being heard. Everyone wants to be heard.
You may be reading this and thinking that this small set of instructions is foolish but I challenge you to go until next week actually following them. The next time someone cuts you off, accuses you of something you didn't do, gossips about you or even yells at you, rather than responding with your usual words, try just smiling and thinking what you want to say instead. If you must speak, say something positive rather than what you may actually be feeling that way you fuel the peace and positivity rather than the anger.
You could even try writing in a journal so that you feel like you're getting it out and gain some relief but still you remain silent. Or simply take time to get away and go talk to God about it. He's the only one who truly understands what you're feeling at the time anyway so why bother trying to explain yourself to anyone else.
It's going to take some practice but I think eventually, if you can master these characteristics, you'll see how much more peaceful and joyful your life will become despite anything that may come on any given day. Besides, being quiet and listening is the best way to hear direction from God, which is what most of us are seeking from one day to the next.
I wish you much success should you choose to accept this challenge. I am on this journey with you and I'd love to hear more about yours. If you have any tips or advise you'd like to share with others to make it easier, any word of encouragement, please leave a comment or shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you!
Tonight I'm going to keep it short and sweet. It's been a long weekend and there's so much on my mind I want to share but I'm just so tired I can hardly think straight.
I do have a word of encouragement for you that I cannot fail to share though! As I like to say, it's better to write a little something than nothing at all. You never know when someone will need your words more than you could have ever imagined... and I guess that's really my message for this evening.
SOMEONE NEEDS YOU!
We all have a purpose and calling on our life. Every day that we wake up again we can be sure we are here for a reason whether big or small. Sometimes you never realize exactly how you've helped someone but you have faith that you did because you understand that your reason for being is for someone else rather than yourself.
So what do you think happens when you get distracted from your purpose?
How often have you let things like fear, insecurities, even other people slow you down or distract you from what you know you are supposed to be doing?
How many times in your life have you had to pick the pieces back up and start again, each time getting more and more disappointed realizing how much precious time you've wasted?
I just started back in full swing working on my book that I began more than five years ago. I just might win a record for world's longest book that has ever taken anyone to write. The thing is, it's not because its a terribly long story, but because I've allowed life to distract me way too many times.
It's difficult when you get distracted or knocked off track. I heard it compared to exercise once... The hardest part is getting your exercise routine started back up, but once you do you'll be on a roll. You just have to sort of force yourself those first few days, and that's exactly what I had to do to get back to writing. Someone NEEDS to read my book, "The Homeless System".
If you've found yourself in what seems to be a never ending circle of distractions and can't seem to step forward into your destiny, you've got to make the decision to overcome this cycle today. It's not an easy tasks and there's no guarantee you won't be thrown off another time or two, but once you realize that the bigger your destiny is, the more distractions will come and you remember this when they do come again, you get stronger at pushing back.
I can't tell you how many times it will take or when you will reach the point of fully walking in God's purpose for your life, but I can tell you that if you start right this moment, pressing forward through every distraction and keeping your eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel, eventually you will arrive there and who knows how many lives you will touch along the way.
No matter where you are in life... your age, gender, whether you are rich or homeless, you are here for a reason... So stay focused and watch your destiny unfold.
It's Memorial Day and like so many of you I'm full of BBQ and don't feel like getting back to work tomorrow.
Isn't it strange how this has become the norm on a day that was supposed to be dedicated to the memory and honor of our lost veterans? I guess it's not much different than Christmas being about Santa and Easter being about the Easter Bunny, candy and hunting for eggs.
Do you ever just stop to think about how screwed up things have become, how it's now normal and traditional... Or better yet, who started this cycle of confusion in the first place?
Whose idea is it to constantly redirect people to something more entertaining, fun, or convenient causing them to almost completely forget why they began to celebrate at all?
Guess it's just one of those things that make you go "Hmmmmm".
Since we can't necessarily pinpoint where it all went wrong, and I don't think many of us really have any intention of never barbecuing on Memorial Day again or opening presents on Christmas morning, I like to always make sure I take time to reflect, understand and remind myself of the day and it's origins.
I have not lost a loved one overseas but I know that many of you have and my heart goes out to you during this time of remembrance. I want to make sure I take the time to honor all of those who give their time, and often their lives, to ensure we live in the land of the free. You are the ones who make it the home of the brave and for that I am truly grateful and do not take my freedom for granted!
It's not just on Memorial Day or Independence Day that I am reminded of the sacrifices that so many make for our freedom. Each day that I'm out helping the homeless is a reminder as well. It constantly baffles me that so many of our homeless veterans return home only to find themselves with no where to belong in the very country they fought for.
It breaks my heart to realize consistently that our soldiers so often return home having lost more than what we realize. Some lose their lives... Some lose their limbs... Some lose their minds... Some lose their homes, families, ability to function in society the way they once did. So many lose so much all so that the rest of us can have everything. So why is it that when they need us, not everyone who lives free on this land they fought for is standing and willing to fight for them?
There are many organizations who try to assist with this often ignored problem, but understand that the VA and various groups or organizations can only do so much without the support of the majority backing them. There are always still so many veterans who are homeless in every city despite the fact that there is assistance for veterans available there. There just never seems to be enough to help them all and so many end up forgotten and lose their lives on the streets of America rather than in war torn countries where it would seem more likely.
So I urge you to do your part to make a difference whether that is by volunteering your time or giving financially. Please don't ignore the fact that our veterans are struggling in the streets in so many states throughout this free country. They fought for freedom, yet they are not free at all.
In the midst of swimming, visiting family, traveling, camping, eating delicious BBQ chicken fresh off the grill... However you choose to celebrate this day, do not forget why it came to be. Please remember those who lost their lives as well as those who fight daily to keep theirs. Teach your children what this day is all about so that, as this mysterious trend setter continues to misconstrue every day of sacred meaning, you will not let the future generations completely wipe out the "reason for the season".
So last Monday I announced on Facebook that my blog that evening would be about suicide. I had just finished the new Netflix show 13 Reasons Why and I must say that Brian Yorkey and the entire cast and crew did an IMPECCABLE job with this project!
Unfortunately, while I had hoped to help someone else's life possibly get better, my own took a turn for the worst and I ended up having to sit that blog out. After an excruciating week followed by a rejuvenating hiatus camping in the woods along the Chatooga River, I must say I am glad to be back and finally sharing this post with you as promised!
I wanted to dedicate my blog last week to this topic, not only because I was so inspired by this show and it's message, but because I wanted to confess that I too am a suicide survivor. For those of you who are clueless as to what that even means, it means I've had suicidal thoughts in the past and even made suicide attempts, my life had gotten so much to the end of my rope that I could see no way to end the pain except to no longer live... yet I'm still here today.
For some people, that statement doesn't mean much, and I believe those people are who 13 Reasons Why was truly created for. If you're someone who simply views suicide as an action taken by someone who is weak, selfish, pitiful... If you have absolutely no understanding as to why anyone would ever feel the desire to end their life... Well you should probably watch the show immediately before you go any further. Maybe it will open up your eyes, if you have the capacity at all to empathize with your fellow human.
On the other hand, maybe you've never reached your breaking point but you know someone who has and you just want to understand what they may be going through, or went through. Maybe you're just wondering why someone would ever make such a drastic decision... Whichever position you happen to be in, I believe you will find yourself somewhere in one of the characters of this show and very likely learn something about yourself you didn't know before. Maybe you'll even learn how you can do your part in suicide prevention.
I'll do my best to write this blog without any spoilers since many of you may not have watched the show yet and I really want you to, especially if you don't understand a thing about suicide. I believe this show can truly open your eyes to a very real and serious problem that's probably even more ignored than the homeless issue because it is such a controversial and sensitive topic.
I recommend that everyone watch this show if for no other reason except that it may possibly cause you to begin to treat people differently. Although it is set in a high school I think it is best not to allow your teens to watch it, at least not without the guidance and proper discussion with an adult.
“We do not recommend that vulnerable youth, especially
those who have any degree of suicidal ideation, watch this series,”
the National Association of School Psychologists said in a statement.
13 Reasons Why is basically a story told from the point of view of a young woman who has committed suicide. Before her untimely death she recorded a series of tapes in hopes that the people who she feels drove her to that point would understand why she is no longer alive and what part they each played in her decision to take her life.
Although some people argue that the show makes suicide seem glorified, as you watch the story unfold, it's the writer's hope that you will gain some understanding and hopefully sympathize with the main character. The story allows you to see it from her point of view and realize that the things she'd gone through, although some didn't seem that serious to others, were very critical to her ability to function and live a normal, happy life.
For many, this show should be one of those "AH HA"! moments...
Like, "Wow, I didn't realize how much that meant to you", and will hopefully make people think twice before they judge or assume what someone else is going through.
I mean, when is the last time you actually thought about how your actions and words affect someone else? Every time you come into contact with another human being, the way you treat them, the things you say, could either make their day or break it... some even to the point of ending their own life.
Now with that knowledge, wouldn't you be more careful to treat people with kindness and respect? This is the ultimate message that is intended to resonate with the viewers of this incredible series.
Suicide is a sensitive topic, especially for someone who has been to that dark place, so I could go on forever discussing it, explaining ways to overcome that desperate act and choose life... but for the sake of condensing my opinion and expertise into one blog I'm going to say this...
If you find yourself at the end of your rope, alone and feeling like not only does no one care but they'd all be better off without you, ask yourself this... Is what I'm feeling based on facts or my current circumstances only? If the current situation were different would I still feel this way? What can I do to change it? What will I miss out on if I'm not here anymore? What happens next?
Remember that YOU have all the power to decide how your life ends up even when it seems like things just keep going wrong for you. If you make the decision to commit suicide, you made that decision and you acted it out just the same way you can make the decision to LIVE and act out the next steps. Which I know first hand that the later is much harder. You have the power to make the tough decisions and you have to remind yourself of that especially when you are in a powerless state of mind.
All of the lies that swirl around in your head at that moment--all of the negativity-- start stealing the energy back from those thoughts! Don't let them come out of your mouth and consume your soul. When you think "I'm ugly", say out loud, "I'm beautiful"... Even if you don't believe what you're saying at that moment. Your words are power!
Most people will tell you... Call the suicide prevention line... I'll post that number here because perhaps you came across this article because you're honestly contemplating this act and maybe you do need to call....
...but I'll be honest, being someone who has been there done that, you want someone to CARE and LOVE YOU and at the moment you can't think of a single person who does... and the idea of calling a complete stranger so that they can "do their job" to talk you off the ledge is depressing in itself, but that's just how I've always felt about it. To each his own.
For me, I had to learn how to plan ahead. Because I knew I'd gotten to that point before and committing suicide was an innate possibility for me, during the times when things weren't so bad I'd have to take advantage of those sane moments and make a list (literally probably 1 or 2 people) who understood how I felt and loved me enough to be able to calm me down if I got to that point again; people who will not judge or criticize you for feeling that way but will help you through in that difficult moment. Give yourself permission to call them when things get out of control and let them pull you back into the possibility that things could get better.
At the end of the day, if you are or have ever felt suicidal, you've probably been through a hell of a lot. Maybe it would help to think about all you've been through and how you got through it. All those times were mere moments in the past that are now memories and this moment will soon be a memory also that, if you can stay strong a little longer, you can look back on and see how you got through this too.
I'll leave you with this monologue I did some years ago when I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. I felt that if I helped someone else get through it, I'd be helping myself overcome these feelings as well. I hope that it helps you to realize the possibility of your breakthrough being so close... don't make a decision just yet... hold on and see what your turn around looks like. If you've been through as much as I have you have to know that your destiny is HUGE! Otherwise why would anyone ever be trying to stop you? #IJS
As for those of you who've never been there, that's fine, I hope you never have to feel that pain, but please try to understand that there are people who struggle with this and if we can all learn to treat each other a little better much of that struggle can be avoided.
Last but not least, here is a list of warning signs to look for if you think someone you love may be dealing with suicidal thoughts. You can't help them unless you know what you're dealing with. I hope that this information and the insight you gain from watching 13 Reasons Why will help you see things from someone else's perspective so that you can be a part of the 13 Reasons Why NOT!
I'm not big on writing movie reviews but every once in a while I catch a movie that impacts me so deeply it feels wrong not to share it. This week that movie was Moana.
I know... I know... I'm super late again but better late than never, right? You're probably seeing a pattern already... (Besides the fact I never get a chance to see a new movie until it's hit Redbox like a year later.)
Yes... this is the 2nd animated movie that's moved me to write my blog about it. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a good cartoon with a moral... or several in this case. Moana inspired me in so many different ways I could very well write an entire book about it I'm sure. But for the sake of not spoiling the movie for those who are even later than me, I'm going to focus on the part I related to most... Specifically, the part that inspired the theme song in the movie "How Far I'll Go". This song and subject focus really resinated in my soul and I'm sure many of you can relate. Although there was much symbolism and some very unrealistic "cartoony" experiences throughout, the overall theme of the movie is one I cannot seem to shake, as the song says, "no matter how hard I try". (Not to mention get the song out of my head. --LOL) Can you relate to the lyrics in this song? When Moana describes that "call of the sea"... feeling like something must be wrong with her... not understanding why she feels this way but realizing it's something that's been a part of her since she can remember.... For many of you reading this, myself included, you understood exactly what she was talking about. Using the call of the ocean to perfectly describe something that so many of us feel on a regular basis as it relates to our dreams, vision and purpose. These descriptive lyrics are truly how it feels to know deep down inside that you were designed for something great. You were created for something bigger than you can imagine and it's something that literally calls you constantly. Some of us choose to run from or ignore that calling completely, others embrace it and run after it no matter the consequences or sacrifices that must be made. Whichever option we choose, I'm sure we all have those moments where we think something is wrong with us. Why doesn't it seem like everyone has this same gravitational pull? Why does my family, friends and everyone else seem so against it, rather than encouraging me, they tell me to take another path that's more "suitable" to what they consider normal? Why does everyone else settle for average? As the song says, "I know, everybody on this island seems so happy on this island... has a role on this island... maybe I can roll with mine". There's something about that pull that sets us apart and makes us think that we're the ones out of line and we should just do our best to be like everyone else--what everyone else says is normal and/or acceptable. The "island" described in these lyrics is the life I lived before I moved to Atlanta to follow my dreams in the entertainment industry. I literally left behind the only comfort zone I knew in Kentucky to take a total leap of faith... and it was scary. It still is sometimes. Often it seems like, until I get to my "Disney movie ending" and can make my family proud, help all the homeless I've adopted as family along my journey, and truly make a difference, not just for my people, but the world, I can never truly feel "accomplished". There were so many times I thought it'd be best to just blend in, go with the flow... "I'll be satisfied if I play along... But the voice inside sings a different song..." And it's true! Life sure can be easier when you make a conscience decision to settle for mediocre. The problem is that calling won't go away. It'll just be buried deep reminding you that you're not being and doing who you were created to be and what you were created to do. Moana was truly inspiring. The character, played by Auli'i Cravalho, was brave even when she doubted herself. She persevered through every obstacle, even with all odds stacked against her. She dreamed big and saw a solution for every problem even when it didn't seem like the most realistic one to everyone else. Moana truly embodies the representation for all of us that others perceive as "crazy" because we dream so big, so far, so wide and so deep... just like the ocean. I was in my twenties the first time I'd ever laid eyes on the ocean. I remember making the statement that I honestly was starting to believe it was just one of those things you see on TV that doesn't exist in real life. When I'd see it in movies I'd desire to go there but the longer it took, the less it seemed like a possibility. The more I doubted. Isn't that how it is though? It's hard to believe in something you've never even seen, yet some things are so easy for people to believe exists anyway, like a million dollars... or the ocean. The ocean... it's the only thing I've ever come in contact with that's as big as my own dreams and it made my dreams seem so small and so... realistic... so possible. I knew once I saw the sea that nothing would be able to stop me from going after all that I dream about accomplishing one day. At that point I had something real to compare it to. Much the same as the ocean, as the song says, "no one knows how far it goes".... Isn't that amazing?
Even though I've actually seen this phenomenon now, myself and everyone else on the planet still have no idea how deep it is... Although we learn more about it through exploration, there is still so much mystery about it's depths, so much that we just don't know. Well that's how it is with our dreams... and we have to SEE IT in our minds just like the ocean... Even though we can't see every detail of it or exactly how it will happen, at least we know it's real, and we keep exploring and learning as we go. I'm still fascinated by the ocean and never take the sight, smell, and sound of it for granted on any occasion in which I've returned to it. It's been the one tangible thing that makes me sure of what I'm created for. In the movie, Moana was "chosen" by the ocean to return a rock to it's rightful place but she had no idea how she would impact the world and, (so as not to spoil the ending) she had no idea exactly how this purpose of hers would play out. She just went with it and she ended up doing much more than just what she'd originally set out to do. This was a reminder to me that even with the calling that we know is much bigger than us... even with our big imaginations... there is still so much we don't know or see about our future and our purpose. All we have to do is embrace and begin to walk in it, fearlessly, against all odds and watch how God will use us and even aid us along the way. If you haven't seen Moana, get up and go get it from your local Redbox now! Especially if you can relate to this blog. I'm telling you... it's going to make that pull stronger, and sometimes that's just what you need to go ahead and start moving forward. Stop allowing your life and the people around you to make you complacent. That's NOT who YOU are! If you relate to this article that's all the proof you need to know that YOU have a bigger purpose and calling on your life. If it's calling you then go after it! Don't get to the end of your story and look back with regret wishing you'd "sailed beyond the reef"... jump on the boat and ride the waves! By the way... You're Welcome! ;-) (Inside joke... you'll get it once you watch the movie.)
At one point I honestly thought the ocean didn't exist.
Like my dreams it was something I'd only seen on TV or in my mind.
Like my dreams, it does exist, I've just got to get to it to see it for myself.
Don't let anyone convince you that your dreams aren't just as real as the ocean...
...deep and still so much to be discovered. ~ Vitelle
As you know, Adrian's Celebration of Life was this past Saturday... It's been the talk of the town for over a month now since his passing in March. I wanted to dedicate tonight's blog to sharing just how amazing the event turned out and to say THANK YOU to everyone who made it possible!
This event, and everything leading up to it, was an incredible reminder of how amazing God is! The way this entire production was orchestrated to perfection, despite various set-backs and in such a short amount of time was something I could have never accomplished on my own. It was truly divine how everything fell into place and God placed it on people's hearts to get involved.
People came from all over to be a part of this celebration and I don't want to fail to acknowledge everyone who contributed.
First off, we were blessed to have a couple of special guests... Adrian's own flesh and blood. His Aunt Paulie & Cousin Vanessa drove all the way up from Alabama... and his cousin Gwen Farris made sure that they, as well as herself, were in attendance. They wouldn't have missed it for the world!
It was such an honor to have them there in the park where miracles would happen every Monday with this organization, with Adrian always right there at the center of it all. I have no doubt he was right at the center of it all this weekend as well.
Friends of Adrian's, many who are still sleeping on the streets, where able to thank his family and personally give their condolences. I know this meant the world to the family as well as the ones who loved Adrian and had the opportunity to do so.
I want to thank the directors of the Feed the Homeless Tour and everyone who contributed in some way leading up to the event.
Gail Christopher, Catherine West and Robin Duvall have stood by me since we made the organization official back in 2010. Many have come and gone but these three have battled with me through thick and thin and I'm so grateful for them. We were all blessed to be there for Adrian and make sure he knew how much he was loved until he breathed his last and it was important to all of us that we make sure other people know that they are loved as well. No one should ever die out in the streets alone!
We had an amazing line up of talent who gave of their time and gifts to make a forgotten community feel appreciated.
These talented performers rolled with us through every set back and gave a performance like you couldn't imagine. The community of less fortunate were so grateful. It warmed my heart to see everyone dancing and enjoying themselves together whether they were homeless or housed. It was truly beautiful!
LaTrice Scarlett came from Sports Clips and cut so many men's heads she lost count!
Kimberley Fennell rounded up her crew and thanks to her team at Pollo Tropical and Krystals we had some delicious food to serve!
Jeanette Pelt and her team at Sock Kingdom brought tons of socks for everyone!
The John-Trell Foundation donated hygiene items, shoes and clothing. Kimberly Neal and Tonya Renee also contributed with donations of clothing and flyers. The Charging Station, Hydrate the Homeless team learned of the news on too short of notice to make it from Texas but they certainly helped us spread the word online and played their part even from so far away.
We're looking forward to partnering with these organizations on upcoming events and making the world a better place together!
There were several others who contributed by helping to spread the word, coming out to lend a hand, and many who couldn't be there but would have loved to help. I appreciate all of your prayers and support throughout this event!
WHAT'S NEXT?: An organization has volunteered to pay the entire cost of Adrian's tombstone!! So once those details are locked in we will post an update. We hope to have a nice ceremony to lay him to rest in a properly marked grave and will invite anyone who would like to attend at this time. Please stay tuned as those details are being orchestrated.
