It's Memorial Day and like so many of you I'm full of BBQ and don't feel like getting back to work tomorrow.
Isn't it strange how this has become the norm on a day that was supposed to be dedicated to the memory and honor of our lost veterans? I guess it's not much different than Christmas being about Santa and Easter being about the Easter Bunny, candy and hunting for eggs.
Do you ever just stop to think about how screwed up things have become, how it's now normal and traditional... Or better yet, who started this cycle of confusion in the first place?
Whose idea is it to constantly redirect people to something more entertaining, fun, or convenient causing them to almost completely forget why they began to celebrate at all?
Guess it's just one of those things that make you go "Hmmmmm".
Since we can't necessarily pinpoint where it all went wrong, and I don't think many of us really have any intention of never barbecuing on Memorial Day again or opening presents on Christmas morning, I like to always make sure I take time to reflect, understand and remind myself of the day and it's origins.
I have not lost a loved one overseas but I know that many of you have and my heart goes out to you during this time of remembrance. I want to make sure I take the time to honor all of those who give their time, and often their lives, to ensure we live in the land of the free. You are the ones who make it the home of the brave and for that I am truly grateful and do not take my freedom for granted!
It's not just on Memorial Day or Independence Day that I am reminded of the sacrifices that so many make for our freedom. Each day that I'm out helping the homeless is a reminder as well. It constantly baffles me that so many of our homeless veterans return home only to find themselves with no where to belong in the very country they fought for.
It breaks my heart to realize consistently that our soldiers so often return home having lost more than what we realize. Some lose their lives... Some lose their limbs... Some lose their minds... Some lose their homes, families, ability to function in society the way they once did. So many lose so much all so that the rest of us can have everything. So why is it that when they need us, not everyone who lives free on this land they fought for is standing and willing to fight for them?
There are many organizations who try to assist with this often ignored problem, but understand that the VA and various groups or organizations can only do so much without the support of the majority backing them. There are always still so many veterans who are homeless in every city despite the fact that there is assistance for veterans available there. There just never seems to be enough to help them all and so many end up forgotten and lose their lives on the streets of America rather than in war torn countries where it would seem more likely.
So I urge you to do your part to make a difference whether that is by volunteering your time or giving financially. Please don't ignore the fact that our veterans are struggling in the streets in so many states throughout this free country. They fought for freedom, yet they are not free at all.
In the midst of swimming, visiting family, traveling, camping, eating delicious BBQ chicken fresh off the grill... However you choose to celebrate this day, do not forget why it came to be. Please remember those who lost their lives as well as those who fight daily to keep theirs. Teach your children what this day is all about so that, as this mysterious trend setter continues to misconstrue every day of sacred meaning, you will not let the future generations completely wipe out the "reason for the season".
So last Monday I announced on Facebook that my blog that evening would be about suicide. I had just finished the new Netflix show 13 Reasons Why and I must say that Brian Yorkey and the entire cast and crew did an IMPECCABLE job with this project!
Unfortunately, while I had hoped to help someone else's life possibly get better, my own took a turn for the worst and I ended up having to sit that blog out. After an excruciating week followed by a rejuvenating hiatus camping in the woods along the Chatooga River, I must say I am glad to be back and finally sharing this post with you as promised!
I wanted to dedicate my blog last week to this topic, not only because I was so inspired by this show and it's message, but because I wanted to confess that I too am a suicide survivor. For those of you who are clueless as to what that even means, it means I've had suicidal thoughts in the past and even made suicide attempts, my life had gotten so much to the end of my rope that I could see no way to end the pain except to no longer live... yet I'm still here today.
For some people, that statement doesn't mean much, and I believe those people are who 13 Reasons Why was truly created for. If you're someone who simply views suicide as an action taken by someone who is weak, selfish, pitiful... If you have absolutely no understanding as to why anyone would ever feel the desire to end their life... Well you should probably watch the show immediately before you go any further. Maybe it will open up your eyes, if you have the capacity at all to empathize with your fellow human.
On the other hand, maybe you've never reached your breaking point but you know someone who has and you just want to understand what they may be going through, or went through. Maybe you're just wondering why someone would ever make such a drastic decision... Whichever position you happen to be in, I believe you will find yourself somewhere in one of the characters of this show and very likely learn something about yourself you didn't know before. Maybe you'll even learn how you can do your part in suicide prevention.
I'll do my best to write this blog without any spoilers since many of you may not have watched the show yet and I really want you to, especially if you don't understand a thing about suicide. I believe this show can truly open your eyes to a very real and serious problem that's probably even more ignored than the homeless issue because it is such a controversial and sensitive topic.
I recommend that everyone watch this show if for no other reason except that it may possibly cause you to begin to treat people differently. Although it is set in a high school I think it is best not to allow your teens to watch it, at least not without the guidance and proper discussion with an adult.
“We do not recommend that vulnerable youth, especially
those who have any degree of suicidal ideation, watch this series,”
the National Association of School Psychologists said in a statement.
13 Reasons Why is basically a story told from the point of view of a young woman who has committed suicide. Before her untimely death she recorded a series of tapes in hopes that the people who she feels drove her to that point would understand why she is no longer alive and what part they each played in her decision to take her life.
Although some people argue that the show makes suicide seem glorified, as you watch the story unfold, it's the writer's hope that you will gain some understanding and hopefully sympathize with the main character. The story allows you to see it from her point of view and realize that the things she'd gone through, although some didn't seem that serious to others, were very critical to her ability to function and live a normal, happy life.
For many, this show should be one of those "AH HA"! moments...
Like, "Wow, I didn't realize how much that meant to you", and will hopefully make people think twice before they judge or assume what someone else is going through.
I mean, when is the last time you actually thought about how your actions and words affect someone else? Every time you come into contact with another human being, the way you treat them, the things you say, could either make their day or break it... some even to the point of ending their own life.
Now with that knowledge, wouldn't you be more careful to treat people with kindness and respect? This is the ultimate message that is intended to resonate with the viewers of this incredible series.
Suicide is a sensitive topic, especially for someone who has been to that dark place, so I could go on forever discussing it, explaining ways to overcome that desperate act and choose life... but for the sake of condensing my opinion and expertise into one blog I'm going to say this...
If you find yourself at the end of your rope, alone and feeling like not only does no one care but they'd all be better off without you, ask yourself this... Is what I'm feeling based on facts or my current circumstances only? If the current situation were different would I still feel this way? What can I do to change it? What will I miss out on if I'm not here anymore? What happens next?
Remember that YOU have all the power to decide how your life ends up even when it seems like things just keep going wrong for you. If you make the decision to commit suicide, you made that decision and you acted it out just the same way you can make the decision to LIVE and act out the next steps. Which I know first hand that the later is much harder. You have the power to make the tough decisions and you have to remind yourself of that especially when you are in a powerless state of mind.
All of the lies that swirl around in your head at that moment--all of the negativity-- start stealing the energy back from those thoughts! Don't let them come out of your mouth and consume your soul. When you think "I'm ugly", say out loud, "I'm beautiful"... Even if you don't believe what you're saying at that moment. Your words are power!
Most people will tell you... Call the suicide prevention line... I'll post that number here because perhaps you came across this article because you're honestly contemplating this act and maybe you do need to call....
...but I'll be honest, being someone who has been there done that, you want someone to CARE and LOVE YOU and at the moment you can't think of a single person who does... and the idea of calling a complete stranger so that they can "do their job" to talk you off the ledge is depressing in itself, but that's just how I've always felt about it. To each his own.
For me, I had to learn how to plan ahead. Because I knew I'd gotten to that point before and committing suicide was an innate possibility for me, during the times when things weren't so bad I'd have to take advantage of those sane moments and make a list (literally probably 1 or 2 people) who understood how I felt and loved me enough to be able to calm me down if I got to that point again; people who will not judge or criticize you for feeling that way but will help you through in that difficult moment. Give yourself permission to call them when things get out of control and let them pull you back into the possibility that things could get better.
At the end of the day, if you are or have ever felt suicidal, you've probably been through a hell of a lot. Maybe it would help to think about all you've been through and how you got through it. All those times were mere moments in the past that are now memories and this moment will soon be a memory also that, if you can stay strong a little longer, you can look back on and see how you got through this too.
I'll leave you with this monologue I did some years ago when I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. I felt that if I helped someone else get through it, I'd be helping myself overcome these feelings as well. I hope that it helps you to realize the possibility of your breakthrough being so close... don't make a decision just yet... hold on and see what your turn around looks like. If you've been through as much as I have you have to know that your destiny is HUGE! Otherwise why would anyone ever be trying to stop you? #IJS
As for those of you who've never been there, that's fine, I hope you never have to feel that pain, but please try to understand that there are people who struggle with this and if we can all learn to treat each other a little better much of that struggle can be avoided.
Last but not least, here is a list of warning signs to look for if you think someone you love may be dealing with suicidal thoughts. You can't help them unless you know what you're dealing with. I hope that this information and the insight you gain from watching 13 Reasons Why will help you see things from someone else's perspective so that you can be a part of the 13 Reasons Why NOT!
I'm not big on writing movie reviews but every once in a while I catch a movie that impacts me so deeply it feels wrong not to share it. This week that movie was Moana.
I know... I know... I'm super late again but better late than never, right? You're probably seeing a pattern already... (Besides the fact I never get a chance to see a new movie until it's hit Redbox like a year later.)
Yes... this is the 2nd animated movie that's moved me to write my blog about it. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a good cartoon with a moral... or several in this case. Moana inspired me in so many different ways I could very well write an entire book about it I'm sure. But for the sake of not spoiling the movie for those who are even later than me, I'm going to focus on the part I related to most... Specifically, the part that inspired the theme song in the movie "How Far I'll Go". This song and subject focus really resinated in my soul and I'm sure many of you can relate. Although there was much symbolism and some very unrealistic "cartoony" experiences throughout, the overall theme of the movie is one I cannot seem to shake, as the song says, "no matter how hard I try". (Not to mention get the song out of my head. --LOL) Can you relate to the lyrics in this song? When Moana describes that "call of the sea"... feeling like something must be wrong with her... not understanding why she feels this way but realizing it's something that's been a part of her since she can remember.... For many of you reading this, myself included, you understood exactly what she was talking about. Using the call of the ocean to perfectly describe something that so many of us feel on a regular basis as it relates to our dreams, vision and purpose. These descriptive lyrics are truly how it feels to know deep down inside that you were designed for something great. You were created for something bigger than you can imagine and it's something that literally calls you constantly. Some of us choose to run from or ignore that calling completely, others embrace it and run after it no matter the consequences or sacrifices that must be made. Whichever option we choose, I'm sure we all have those moments where we think something is wrong with us. Why doesn't it seem like everyone has this same gravitational pull? Why does my family, friends and everyone else seem so against it, rather than encouraging me, they tell me to take another path that's more "suitable" to what they consider normal? Why does everyone else settle for average? As the song says, "I know, everybody on this island seems so happy on this island... has a role on this island... maybe I can roll with mine". There's something about that pull that sets us apart and makes us think that we're the ones out of line and we should just do our best to be like everyone else--what everyone else says is normal and/or acceptable. The "island" described in these lyrics is the life I lived before I moved to Atlanta to follow my dreams in the entertainment industry. I literally left behind the only comfort zone I knew in Kentucky to take a total leap of faith... and it was scary. It still is sometimes. Often it seems like, until I get to my "Disney movie ending" and can make my family proud, help all the homeless I've adopted as family along my journey, and truly make a difference, not just for my people, but the world, I can never truly feel "accomplished". There were so many times I thought it'd be best to just blend in, go with the flow... "I'll be satisfied if I play along... But the voice inside sings a different song..." And it's true! Life sure can be easier when you make a conscience decision to settle for mediocre. The problem is that calling won't go away. It'll just be buried deep reminding you that you're not being and doing who you were created to be and what you were created to do. Moana was truly inspiring. The character, played by Auli'i Cravalho, was brave even when she doubted herself. She persevered through every obstacle, even with all odds stacked against her. She dreamed big and saw a solution for every problem even when it didn't seem like the most realistic one to everyone else. Moana truly embodies the representation for all of us that others perceive as "crazy" because we dream so big, so far, so wide and so deep... just like the ocean. I was in my twenties the first time I'd ever laid eyes on the ocean. I remember making the statement that I honestly was starting to believe it was just one of those things you see on TV that doesn't exist in real life. When I'd see it in movies I'd desire to go there but the longer it took, the less it seemed like a possibility. The more I doubted. Isn't that how it is though? It's hard to believe in something you've never even seen, yet some things are so easy for people to believe exists anyway, like a million dollars... or the ocean. The ocean... it's the only thing I've ever come in contact with that's as big as my own dreams and it made my dreams seem so small and so... realistic... so possible. I knew once I saw the sea that nothing would be able to stop me from going after all that I dream about accomplishing one day. At that point I had something real to compare it to. Much the same as the ocean, as the song says, "no one knows how far it goes".... Isn't that amazing?
Even though I've actually seen this phenomenon now, myself and everyone else on the planet still have no idea how deep it is... Although we learn more about it through exploration, there is still so much mystery about it's depths, so much that we just don't know. Well that's how it is with our dreams... and we have to SEE IT in our minds just like the ocean... Even though we can't see every detail of it or exactly how it will happen, at least we know it's real, and we keep exploring and learning as we go. I'm still fascinated by the ocean and never take the sight, smell, and sound of it for granted on any occasion in which I've returned to it. It's been the one tangible thing that makes me sure of what I'm created for. In the movie, Moana was "chosen" by the ocean to return a rock to it's rightful place but she had no idea how she would impact the world and, (so as not to spoil the ending) she had no idea exactly how this purpose of hers would play out. She just went with it and she ended up doing much more than just what she'd originally set out to do. This was a reminder to me that even with the calling that we know is much bigger than us... even with our big imaginations... there is still so much we don't know or see about our future and our purpose. All we have to do is embrace and begin to walk in it, fearlessly, against all odds and watch how God will use us and even aid us along the way. If you haven't seen Moana, get up and go get it from your local Redbox now! Especially if you can relate to this blog. I'm telling you... it's going to make that pull stronger, and sometimes that's just what you need to go ahead and start moving forward. Stop allowing your life and the people around you to make you complacent. That's NOT who YOU are! If you relate to this article that's all the proof you need to know that YOU have a bigger purpose and calling on your life. If it's calling you then go after it! Don't get to the end of your story and look back with regret wishing you'd "sailed beyond the reef"... jump on the boat and ride the waves! By the way... You're Welcome! ;-) (Inside joke... you'll get it once you watch the movie.)
At one point I honestly thought the ocean didn't exist.
Like my dreams it was something I'd only seen on TV or in my mind.
Like my dreams, it does exist, I've just got to get to it to see it for myself.
Don't let anyone convince you that your dreams aren't just as real as the ocean...
...deep and still so much to be discovered. ~ Vitelle
As you know, Adrian's Celebration of Life was this past Saturday... It's been the talk of the town for over a month now since his passing in March. I wanted to dedicate tonight's blog to sharing just how amazing the event turned out and to say THANK YOU to everyone who made it possible!
This event, and everything leading up to it, was an incredible reminder of how amazing God is! The way this entire production was orchestrated to perfection, despite various set-backs and in such a short amount of time was something I could have never accomplished on my own. It was truly divine how everything fell into place and God placed it on people's hearts to get involved.
People came from all over to be a part of this celebration and I don't want to fail to acknowledge everyone who contributed.
First off, we were blessed to have a couple of special guests... Adrian's own flesh and blood. His Aunt Paulie & Cousin Vanessa drove all the way up from Alabama... and his cousin Gwen Farris made sure that they, as well as herself, were in attendance. They wouldn't have missed it for the world!
It was such an honor to have them there in the park where miracles would happen every Monday with this organization, with Adrian always right there at the center of it all. I have no doubt he was right at the center of it all this weekend as well.
Friends of Adrian's, many who are still sleeping on the streets, where able to thank his family and personally give their condolences. I know this meant the world to the family as well as the ones who loved Adrian and had the opportunity to do so.
I want to thank the directors of the Feed the Homeless Tour and everyone who contributed in some way leading up to the event.
Gail Christopher, Catherine West and Robin Duvall have stood by me since we made the organization official back in 2010. Many have come and gone but these three have battled with me through thick and thin and I'm so grateful for them. We were all blessed to be there for Adrian and make sure he knew how much he was loved until he breathed his last and it was important to all of us that we make sure other people know that they are loved as well. No one should ever die out in the streets alone!
We had an amazing line up of talent who gave of their time and gifts to make a forgotten community feel appreciated.
These talented performers rolled with us through every set back and gave a performance like you couldn't imagine. The community of less fortunate were so grateful. It warmed my heart to see everyone dancing and enjoying themselves together whether they were homeless or housed. It was truly beautiful!
LaTrice Scarlett came from Sports Clips and cut so many men's heads she lost count!
Kimberley Fennell rounded up her crew and thanks to her team at Pollo Tropical and Krystals we had some delicious food to serve!
Jeanette Pelt and her team at Sock Kingdom brought tons of socks for everyone!
The John-Trell Foundation donated hygiene items, shoes and clothing. Kimberly Neal and Tonya Renee also contributed with donations of clothing and flyers. The Charging Station, Hydrate the Homeless team learned of the news on too short of notice to make it from Texas but they certainly helped us spread the word online and played their part even from so far away.
We're looking forward to partnering with these organizations on upcoming events and making the world a better place together!
There were several others who contributed by helping to spread the word, coming out to lend a hand, and many who couldn't be there but would have loved to help. I appreciate all of your prayers and support throughout this event!
WHAT'S NEXT?: An organization has volunteered to pay the entire cost of Adrian's tombstone!! So once those details are locked in we will post an update. We hope to have a nice ceremony to lay him to rest in a properly marked grave and will invite anyone who would like to attend at this time. Please stay tuned as those details are being orchestrated.
