It's been difficult to write every single Monday because life has been so hectic and stressful lately.
I just wanted to take a moment to encourage those of you who may be going through a difficult time or have difficult decisions to make. One thing that has helped me recently is meditation. I've often prayed through my struggles but sometimes you reach a breaking point in which you're just too weak to even find the words to ask for help. Or other times you have no idea what to even ask for--you're unsure what you really want or need.
A friend of mine told me about this app called "Insight Timer". You can download it on your phone in the app store. It's a great way to practice meditation and has really helped me through those times when I'm just too broken to find the words or strength to pray. I can relax my body and mind and just focus on positive energy and affirmations to begin to change all the negative energy around me.
As a matter of fact, I'm about to wrap this blog up and go meditate right this moment. We don't always know what we want or even what we need but I'd like to think that health, joy, peace, love, happiness... these things should be at the top of our list no matter who we are. These things are what I focus and meditate on when everything else is unstable and unsure. Focus on the good things and surely everything else will fall into place.
I've got a lot of projects in the works that I hope to bring to you real soon. In the meantime thank you for continuing to support my endeavors. I wish you all peace, love, joy and happiness!
I literally just completely started tonight's blog all over because as I was writing about "Taking Care of YOU" I got thrown all the way off track... Distracted as is usually the case when I'm trying to blog, so now my blog is going to be about DISTRACTIONS.
I already missed last Monday between traveling, family, photoshoots & the usual chaos, so I refuse to not write anything today... Which by the time you read this will be Tuesday. Better late than never.
I've had so many people tell me how reading my blogs have helped them, or how they look forward to my blogs, so I feel even more obligated to come through on a good, relatable topic that could possibly make someone's day or week.
We all experience distractions, especially during a time that we are trying to focus on something we know deep down in our hearts we need to do. Many people call this "our calling". Whatever title you choose to give it, it never fails that life's obstacles can begin to get in the way of you accomplishing that which you have set out to complete.
Sometimes it may not be a negative distraction but rather a distraction of something you like... Say for instance when your favorite movie comes on and completely distracts you from what you know you were supposed to be doing then you end up not doing it at all.
Distractions can come in all forms and either be life changing, traumatizing, or even pleasing. The trick is being able to recognize when you are being distracted and working hard to not get too far off track. Whether it's as simple of a distraction as your favorite song playing on the radio or as serious and painful as a death in the family, knowing that these tactics are often used to throw you off course should help you get back on track as quickly as possible. The problem is, depending on the type of distraction, many people choose to give up. Especially if they happen to experience multiple distractions and eventually reach a breaking point.
There were many times during my own journey through homelessness that I was distracted to the point of almost throwing in the towel. Losing my apartment, source of income and having to make the tough decision to live in my car with my children was the biggest distraction ever. Yet instead of letting it cause me to give up, I used it as fuel to drive the calling that I know I have on my life. I allowed my distracting circumstance to make me stronger and even though it may have seemed to set me back a period of time, I still looked at it as a growth process along my journey.
See how even something meant to distract you can turn out to be a tremendous asset to your calling if you choose to press forward through it? It is easier said than done but I know if I could do it with that situation then you can handle it too.
What is your calling? What are some things God is using you for? Just like my blog and how me writing it helps so many people, the enemy often tries to prevent me from even writing it in the first place. Instead of not writing at all, I used the circumstance to fuel my topic for the evening, and who knows, this may have been exactly what someone needed to hear.
Distractions happen to us all and often when we least expect it. So I say to you my friend, stay on guard of your life's purpose and don't let anything or anyone distract you from your destiny.
I didn't get around to posting on Monday this week because I've been on set for the last few days working 15-18 hours a day on the new movie TAG starring Isla Fisher, Jeremy Renner, Ed Helms & Leslie Bibb. I'm sitting on set right now taking it all in.
This is my first time back on a major motion picture since I had my baby and there's a million things going on in my mind I want to share with you... but I suppose for the sake of time I better pick one so I can get back to work.
I was just sitting here enjoying just being in the presence of what I love. When something is your passion, it doesn't matter who else likes it or understands it, it's yours and you just couldn't imagine yourself without it. After being on a maternity hiatus for a while, I'm just so happy to be getting back in the swing of things and basking in the presence of the chaos that is #setlife. I had forgotten how much I needed this.
Sadly, not everyone becomes an entertainer because they feel the way that I do about the industry itself. In fact, most people become entertainers for two reasons.
THE FAME & THE FORTUNE.
What's ironic is that neither of those is usually accomplished by most aspiring actors and artists yet they keep striving in hopes to soon own a mansion on a hill or have people running up asking for their autographs and making them feel more important than they are.
Personally I don't believe in doing anything for money or social status but rather because it is what you absolutely love to do. If you don't love it, you can manage to have all the money and popularity in the world and never truly be happy. Your happiness won't come from owning things or maintaining a social status.
I just want to encourage you all that whatever you do, do something you love. What is it that wakes you up each morning? What job would you go out and do every day even if it didn't pay or even if you never got credit for doing it?
If your goals are solely money and power you will end up unhappy and feeling like you've failed in life. You'll never get that feeling of success because the thing you use to measure your success is not what's in your heart, but what's in your wallet. The feeling of completion is not something that is tangible or anything that money can buy.
Your job shouldn't feel like a job but a privilege and an honor. I'm so honored to be here on set today! My role is that of Susan's (Leslie Bibb) friend and Bridesmaid in her wedding party. It's not a big role. I don't even have a name... just "Susan's friend". But the way I feel inside just partaking in what brings me joy, you would think I'd landed the lead role in the movie of the century! I'm that elated to be doing what I love.
How many of you can say that about your jobs? If you can't, it may be time to reevaluate where you are and start today really following your heart. Life is too short to just work for a paycheck and be miserable. Find what brings you joy and go after it, whatever it may be.
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”
James 1:19 (NLT)
That scripture pretty much says it all. There really isn't any need for me to write a full length blog because I honestly couldn't have said it better than the Bible itself.
This message is something that's been on my mind for quite some time now and I've been focusing my energies on helping my children understand this concept as well. It's my hope that I'm able to teach them some things now that many adults haven't fully grasped yet so that by the time they're older, hopefully things will be a little less of a struggle for them.
I'm being honest when I say that although I've known this scripture since my youth, I've just recently learned how to obey it, and am still perfecting the craft.
God knew how important it was that this message be a part of his instructions as I'm sure he knows how difficult it can be for the human race to listen to others, know when to be quiet, and control their tempers.
I admit that on a daily basis I've probably failed at at least one, if not more, of these simple tasks. However, over the last couple of weeks I have made it a primary focus to get in a habit of all of the above and I have found that the most important of the three is also the hardest... being able to keep your mouth shut.
In these past few weeks, I have proven to myself that if you are wise enough to know when to be quiet, all the other requirements will fall into place. For example, if you are quiet and don't respond to someone who is arguing with you, it is much harder to get angry or for that feeling to escalate as it would if you decided to participate with your own verbal abuse in return. And naturally, if you are not speaking, you're going to be more inclined to listen.
Not only are we humans inclined to always have to say something, defend ourselves, share our opinions, etc. but I believe that it has become a misconception that the quiet person is the weak person, especially when it comes to matters of speaking up in order to defend yourself. This is a misconception that has been planted in us since childhood when we were often told to "speak up for yourself" as if we were failures when we did not.
As an adult, it's important to realize that quiet doesn't mean weak at all. On the contrary, it actually shows great strength and wisdom. It's not easy to choose your words wisely, pick and choose your battles, listen rather than being heard. Everyone wants to be heard.
You may be reading this and thinking that this small set of instructions is foolish but I challenge you to go until next week actually following them. The next time someone cuts you off, accuses you of something you didn't do, gossips about you or even yells at you, rather than responding with your usual words, try just smiling and thinking what you want to say instead. If you must speak, say something positive rather than what you may actually be feeling that way you fuel the peace and positivity rather than the anger.
You could even try writing in a journal so that you feel like you're getting it out and gain some relief but still you remain silent. Or simply take time to get away and go talk to God about it. He's the only one who truly understands what you're feeling at the time anyway so why bother trying to explain yourself to anyone else.
It's going to take some practice but I think eventually, if you can master these characteristics, you'll see how much more peaceful and joyful your life will become despite anything that may come on any given day. Besides, being quiet and listening is the best way to hear direction from God, which is what most of us are seeking from one day to the next.
I wish you much success should you choose to accept this challenge. I am on this journey with you and I'd love to hear more about yours. If you have any tips or advise you'd like to share with others to make it easier, any word of encouragement, please leave a comment or shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you!
Tonight I'm going to keep it short and sweet. It's been a long weekend and there's so much on my mind I want to share but I'm just so tired I can hardly think straight.
I do have a word of encouragement for you that I cannot fail to share though! As I like to say, it's better to write a little something than nothing at all. You never know when someone will need your words more than you could have ever imagined... and I guess that's really my message for this evening.
SOMEONE NEEDS YOU!
We all have a purpose and calling on our life. Every day that we wake up again we can be sure we are here for a reason whether big or small. Sometimes you never realize exactly how you've helped someone but you have faith that you did because you understand that your reason for being is for someone else rather than yourself.
So what do you think happens when you get distracted from your purpose?
How often have you let things like fear, insecurities, even other people slow you down or distract you from what you know you are supposed to be doing?
How many times in your life have you had to pick the pieces back up and start again, each time getting more and more disappointed realizing how much precious time you've wasted?
I just started back in full swing working on my book that I began more than five years ago. I just might win a record for world's longest book that has ever taken anyone to write. The thing is, it's not because its a terribly long story, but because I've allowed life to distract me way too many times.
It's difficult when you get distracted or knocked off track. I heard it compared to exercise once... The hardest part is getting your exercise routine started back up, but once you do you'll be on a roll. You just have to sort of force yourself those first few days, and that's exactly what I had to do to get back to writing. Someone NEEDS to read my book, "The Homeless System".
If you've found yourself in what seems to be a never ending circle of distractions and can't seem to step forward into your destiny, you've got to make the decision to overcome this cycle today. It's not an easy tasks and there's no guarantee you won't be thrown off another time or two, but once you realize that the bigger your destiny is, the more distractions will come and you remember this when they do come again, you get stronger at pushing back.
I can't tell you how many times it will take or when you will reach the point of fully walking in God's purpose for your life, but I can tell you that if you start right this moment, pressing forward through every distraction and keeping your eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel, eventually you will arrive there and who knows how many lives you will touch along the way.
No matter where you are in life... your age, gender, whether you are rich or homeless, you are here for a reason... So stay focused and watch your destiny unfold.
It's Memorial Day and like so many of you I'm full of BBQ and don't feel like getting back to work tomorrow.
Isn't it strange how this has become the norm on a day that was supposed to be dedicated to the memory and honor of our lost veterans? I guess it's not much different than Christmas being about Santa and Easter being about the Easter Bunny, candy and hunting for eggs.
Do you ever just stop to think about how screwed up things have become, how it's now normal and traditional... Or better yet, who started this cycle of confusion in the first place?
Whose idea is it to constantly redirect people to something more entertaining, fun, or convenient causing them to almost completely forget why they began to celebrate at all?
Guess it's just one of those things that make you go "Hmmmmm".
Since we can't necessarily pinpoint where it all went wrong, and I don't think many of us really have any intention of never barbecuing on Memorial Day again or opening presents on Christmas morning, I like to always make sure I take time to reflect, understand and remind myself of the day and it's origins.
I have not lost a loved one overseas but I know that many of you have and my heart goes out to you during this time of remembrance. I want to make sure I take the time to honor all of those who give their time, and often their lives, to ensure we live in the land of the free. You are the ones who make it the home of the brave and for that I am truly grateful and do not take my freedom for granted!
It's not just on Memorial Day or Independence Day that I am reminded of the sacrifices that so many make for our freedom. Each day that I'm out helping the homeless is a reminder as well. It constantly baffles me that so many of our homeless veterans return home only to find themselves with no where to belong in the very country they fought for.
It breaks my heart to realize consistently that our soldiers so often return home having lost more than what we realize. Some lose their lives... Some lose their limbs... Some lose their minds... Some lose their homes, families, ability to function in society the way they once did. So many lose so much all so that the rest of us can have everything. So why is it that when they need us, not everyone who lives free on this land they fought for is standing and willing to fight for them?
There are many organizations who try to assist with this often ignored problem, but understand that the VA and various groups or organizations can only do so much without the support of the majority backing them. There are always still so many veterans who are homeless in every city despite the fact that there is assistance for veterans available there. There just never seems to be enough to help them all and so many end up forgotten and lose their lives on the streets of America rather than in war torn countries where it would seem more likely.
So I urge you to do your part to make a difference whether that is by volunteering your time or giving financially. Please don't ignore the fact that our veterans are struggling in the streets in so many states throughout this free country. They fought for freedom, yet they are not free at all.
In the midst of swimming, visiting family, traveling, camping, eating delicious BBQ chicken fresh off the grill... However you choose to celebrate this day, do not forget why it came to be. Please remember those who lost their lives as well as those who fight daily to keep theirs. Teach your children what this day is all about so that, as this mysterious trend setter continues to misconstrue every day of sacred meaning, you will not let the future generations completely wipe out the "reason for the season".
So last Monday I announced on Facebook that my blog that evening would be about suicide. I had just finished the new Netflix show 13 Reasons Why and I must say that Brian Yorkey and the entire cast and crew did an IMPECCABLE job with this project!
Unfortunately, while I had hoped to help someone else's life possibly get better, my own took a turn for the worst and I ended up having to sit that blog out. After an excruciating week followed by a rejuvenating hiatus camping in the woods along the Chatooga River, I must say I am glad to be back and finally sharing this post with you as promised!
I wanted to dedicate my blog last week to this topic, not only because I was so inspired by this show and it's message, but because I wanted to confess that I too am a suicide survivor. For those of you who are clueless as to what that even means, it means I've had suicidal thoughts in the past and even made suicide attempts, my life had gotten so much to the end of my rope that I could see no way to end the pain except to no longer live... yet I'm still here today.
For some people, that statement doesn't mean much, and I believe those people are who 13 Reasons Why was truly created for. If you're someone who simply views suicide as an action taken by someone who is weak, selfish, pitiful... If you have absolutely no understanding as to why anyone would ever feel the desire to end their life... Well you should probably watch the show immediately before you go any further. Maybe it will open up your eyes, if you have the capacity at all to empathize with your fellow human.
On the other hand, maybe you've never reached your breaking point but you know someone who has and you just want to understand what they may be going through, or went through. Maybe you're just wondering why someone would ever make such a drastic decision... Whichever position you happen to be in, I believe you will find yourself somewhere in one of the characters of this show and very likely learn something about yourself you didn't know before. Maybe you'll even learn how you can do your part in suicide prevention.
I'll do my best to write this blog without any spoilers since many of you may not have watched the show yet and I really want you to, especially if you don't understand a thing about suicide. I believe this show can truly open your eyes to a very real and serious problem that's probably even more ignored than the homeless issue because it is such a controversial and sensitive topic.
I recommend that everyone watch this show if for no other reason except that it may possibly cause you to begin to treat people differently. Although it is set in a high school I think it is best not to allow your teens to watch it, at least not without the guidance and proper discussion with an adult.
“We do not recommend that vulnerable youth, especially
those who have any degree of suicidal ideation, watch this series,”
the National Association of School Psychologists said in a statement.
13 Reasons Why is basically a story told from the point of view of a young woman who has committed suicide. Before her untimely death she recorded a series of tapes in hopes that the people who she feels drove her to that point would understand why she is no longer alive and what part they each played in her decision to take her life.
Although some people argue that the show makes suicide seem glorified, as you watch the story unfold, it's the writer's hope that you will gain some understanding and hopefully sympathize with the main character. The story allows you to see it from her point of view and realize that the things she'd gone through, although some didn't seem that serious to others, were very critical to her ability to function and live a normal, happy life.
For many, this show should be one of those "AH HA"! moments...
Like, "Wow, I didn't realize how much that meant to you", and will hopefully make people think twice before they judge or assume what someone else is going through.
I mean, when is the last time you actually thought about how your actions and words affect someone else? Every time you come into contact with another human being, the way you treat them, the things you say, could either make their day or break it... some even to the point of ending their own life.
Now with that knowledge, wouldn't you be more careful to treat people with kindness and respect? This is the ultimate message that is intended to resonate with the viewers of this incredible series.
Suicide is a sensitive topic, especially for someone who has been to that dark place, so I could go on forever discussing it, explaining ways to overcome that desperate act and choose life... but for the sake of condensing my opinion and expertise into one blog I'm going to say this...
If you find yourself at the end of your rope, alone and feeling like not only does no one care but they'd all be better off without you, ask yourself this... Is what I'm feeling based on facts or my current circumstances only? If the current situation were different would I still feel this way? What can I do to change it? What will I miss out on if I'm not here anymore? What happens next?
Remember that YOU have all the power to decide how your life ends up even when it seems like things just keep going wrong for you. If you make the decision to commit suicide, you made that decision and you acted it out just the same way you can make the decision to LIVE and act out the next steps. Which I know first hand that the later is much harder. You have the power to make the tough decisions and you have to remind yourself of that especially when you are in a powerless state of mind.
All of the lies that swirl around in your head at that moment--all of the negativity-- start stealing the energy back from those thoughts! Don't let them come out of your mouth and consume your soul. When you think "I'm ugly", say out loud, "I'm beautiful"... Even if you don't believe what you're saying at that moment. Your words are power!
Most people will tell you... Call the suicide prevention line... I'll post that number here because perhaps you came across this article because you're honestly contemplating this act and maybe you do need to call....
...but I'll be honest, being someone who has been there done that, you want someone to CARE and LOVE YOU and at the moment you can't think of a single person who does... and the idea of calling a complete stranger so that they can "do their job" to talk you off the ledge is depressing in itself, but that's just how I've always felt about it. To each his own.
For me, I had to learn how to plan ahead. Because I knew I'd gotten to that point before and committing suicide was an innate possibility for me, during the times when things weren't so bad I'd have to take advantage of those sane moments and make a list (literally probably 1 or 2 people) who understood how I felt and loved me enough to be able to calm me down if I got to that point again; people who will not judge or criticize you for feeling that way but will help you through in that difficult moment. Give yourself permission to call them when things get out of control and let them pull you back into the possibility that things could get better.
At the end of the day, if you are or have ever felt suicidal, you've probably been through a hell of a lot. Maybe it would help to think about all you've been through and how you got through it. All those times were mere moments in the past that are now memories and this moment will soon be a memory also that, if you can stay strong a little longer, you can look back on and see how you got through this too.
I'll leave you with this monologue I did some years ago when I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. I felt that if I helped someone else get through it, I'd be helping myself overcome these feelings as well. I hope that it helps you to realize the possibility of your breakthrough being so close... don't make a decision just yet... hold on and see what your turn around looks like. If you've been through as much as I have you have to know that your destiny is HUGE! Otherwise why would anyone ever be trying to stop you? #IJS
As for those of you who've never been there, that's fine, I hope you never have to feel that pain, but please try to understand that there are people who struggle with this and if we can all learn to treat each other a little better much of that struggle can be avoided.
Last but not least, here is a list of warning signs to look for if you think someone you love may be dealing with suicidal thoughts. You can't help them unless you know what you're dealing with. I hope that this information and the insight you gain from watching 13 Reasons Why will help you see things from someone else's perspective so that you can be a part of the 13 Reasons Why NOT!
