My suicide blog... 13 Reasons Why

So last Monday I announced on Facebook that my blog that evening would be about suicide.  I had just finished the new Netflix show 13 Reasons Why and I must say that Brian Yorkey and the entire cast and crew did an IMPECCABLE job with this project!

Unfortunately, while I had hoped to help someone else's life possibly get better, my own took a turn for the worst and I ended up having to sit that blog out.  After an excruciating week followed by a rejuvenating hiatus camping in the woods along the Chatooga River, I must say I am glad to be back and finally sharing this post with you as promised!


I wanted to dedicate my blog last week to this topic, not only because I was so inspired by this show and it's message, but because I wanted to confess that I too am a suicide survivor.  For those of you who are clueless as to what that even means, it means I've had suicidal thoughts in the past and even made suicide attempts, my life had gotten so much to the end of my rope that I could see no way to end the pain except to no longer live... yet I'm still here today.

For some people, that statement doesn't mean much, and I believe those people are who 13 Reasons Why was truly created for.  If you're someone who simply views suicide as an action taken by someone who is weak, selfish, pitiful... If you have absolutely no understanding as to why anyone would ever feel the desire to end their life... Well you should probably watch the show immediately before you go any further.  Maybe it will open up your eyes, if you have the capacity at all to empathize with your fellow human.

On the other hand, maybe you've never reached your breaking point but you know someone who has and you just want to understand what they may be going through, or went through.  Maybe you're just wondering why someone would ever make such a drastic decision... Whichever position you happen to be in, I believe you will find yourself somewhere in one of the characters of this show and very likely learn something about yourself you didn't know before.  Maybe you'll even learn how you can do your part in suicide prevention.

I'll do my best to write this blog without any spoilers since many of you may not have watched the show yet and I really want you to, especially if you don't understand a thing about suicide.  I believe this show can truly open your eyes to a very real and serious problem that's probably even more ignored than the homeless issue because it is such a controversial and sensitive topic.

I recommend that everyone watch this show if for no other reason except that it may possibly cause you to begin to treat people differently.  Although it is set in a high school I think it is best not to allow your teens to watch it, at least not without the guidance and proper discussion with an adult.

“We do not recommend that vulnerable youth, especially 

those who have any degree of suicidal ideation, watch this series,” 

the National Association of School Psychologists said in a statement.

13 Reasons Why is basically a story told from the point of view of a young woman who has committed suicide.  Before her untimely death she recorded a series of tapes in hopes that the people who she feels drove her to that point would understand why she is no longer alive and what part they each played in her decision to take her life.


Although some people argue that the show makes suicide seem glorified, as you watch the story unfold, it's the writer's hope that you will gain some understanding and hopefully sympathize with the main character.  The story allows you to see it from her point of view and realize that the things she'd gone through, although some didn't seem that serious to others, were very critical to her ability to function and live a normal, happy life.

For many, this show should be one of those "AH HA"! moments...

Like, "Wow, I didn't realize how much that meant to you", and will hopefully make people think twice before they judge or assume what someone else is going through.

I mean, when is the last time you actually thought about how your actions and words affect someone else?  Every time you come into contact with another human being, the way you treat them, the things you say, could either make their day or break it... some even to the point of ending their own life.

Now with that knowledge, wouldn't you be more careful to treat people with kindness and respect?  This is the ultimate message that is intended to resonate with the viewers of this incredible series.

Suicide is a sensitive topic, especially for someone who has been to that dark place, so I could go on forever discussing it, explaining ways to overcome that desperate act and choose life... but for the sake of condensing my opinion and expertise into one blog I'm going to say this...

If you find yourself at the end of your rope, alone and feeling like not only does no one care but they'd all be better off without you, ask yourself this... Is what I'm feeling based on facts or my current circumstances only?  If the current situation were different would I still feel this way?  What can I do to change it?  What will I miss out on if I'm not here anymore?  What happens next?

Remember that YOU have all the power to decide how your life ends up even when it seems like things just keep going wrong for you.  If you make the decision to commit suicide, you made that decision and you acted it out just the same way you can make the decision to LIVE and act out the next steps.  Which I know first hand that the later is much harder.  You have the power to make the tough decisions and you have to remind yourself of that especially when you are in a powerless state of mind.

All of the lies that swirl around in your head at that moment--all of the negativity-- start stealing the energy back from those thoughts!  Don't let them come out of your mouth and consume your soul.  When you think "I'm ugly", say out loud, "I'm beautiful"... Even if you don't believe what you're saying at that moment.  Your words are power!

Most people will tell you... Call the suicide prevention line... I'll post that number here because perhaps you came across this article because you're honestly contemplating this act and maybe you do need to call....

...but I'll be honest, being someone who has been there done that, you want someone to CARE and LOVE YOU and at the moment you can't think of a single person who does... and the idea of calling a complete stranger so that they can "do their job" to talk you off the ledge is depressing in itself, but that's just how I've always felt about it.  To each his own.

For me, I had to learn how to plan ahead.  Because I knew I'd gotten to that point before and committing suicide was an innate possibility for me, during the times when things weren't so bad I'd have to take advantage of those sane moments and make a list (literally probably 1 or 2 people) who understood how I felt and loved me enough to be able to calm me down if I got to that point again; people who will not judge or criticize you for feeling that way but will help you through in that difficult moment.  Give yourself permission to call them when things get out of control and let them pull you back into the possibility that things could get better.

At the end of the day, if you are or have ever felt suicidal, you've probably been through a hell of a lot.  Maybe it would help to think about all you've been through and how you got through it.  All those times were mere moments in the past that are now memories and this moment will soon be a memory also that, if you can stay strong a little longer, you can look back on and see how you got through this too.

I'll leave you with this monologue I did some years ago when I was struggling with suicidal thoughts.  I felt that if I helped someone else get through it, I'd be helping myself overcome these feelings as well.  I hope that it helps you to realize the possibility of your breakthrough being so close... don't make a decision just yet... hold on and see what your turn around looks like.  If you've been through as much as I have you have to know that your destiny is HUGE!  Otherwise why would anyone ever be trying to stop you? #IJS

SUBSCRIBE TO MY CHANNEL ON YOUTUBE!

As for those of you who've never been there, that's fine, I hope you never have to feel that pain, but please try to understand that there are people who struggle with this and if we can all learn to treat each other a little better much of that struggle can be avoided.

Last but not least, here is a list of warning signs to look for if you think someone you love may be dealing with suicidal thoughts.  You can't help them unless you know what you're dealing with.  I hope that this information and the insight you gain from watching 13 Reasons Why will help you see things from someone else's perspective so that you can be a part of the 13 Reasons Why NOT!

Is Your Destiny As Big As The Sea? Inspired by Disney's new movie MOANA

I'm not big on writing movie reviews but every once in a while I catch a movie that impacts me so deeply it feels wrong not to share it.

This week that movie was Moana.

I know... I know... I'm super late again but better late than never, right?

You're probably seeing a pattern already...  (Besides the fact I never get a chance to see a new movie until it's hit Redbox like a year later.)

Yes... this is the 2nd animated movie that's moved me to write my blog about it.  

What can I say?  I'm a sucker for a good cartoon with a moral... or several in this case.

Moana inspired me in so many different ways I could very well write an entire book about it I'm sure.  But for the sake of not spoiling the movie for those who are even later than me, I'm going to focus on the part I related to most... Specifically, the part that inspired the theme song in the movie "How Far I'll Go".

This song and subject focus really resinated in my soul and I'm sure many of you can relate. 

Although there was much symbolism and some very unrealistic "cartoony" experiences throughout, the overall theme of the movie is one I cannot seem to shake, as the song says, "no matter how hard I try".  (Not to mention get the song out of my head. --LOL)

Can you relate to the lyrics in this song?

When Moana describes that "call of the sea"... feeling like something must be wrong with her... not understanding why she feels this way but realizing it's something that's been a part of her since she can remember....

For many of you reading this, myself included, you understood exactly what she was talking about.  Using the call of the ocean to perfectly describe something that so many of us feel on a regular basis as it relates to our dreams, vision and purpose.

These descriptive lyrics are truly how it feels to know deep down inside that you were designed for something great.  You were created for something bigger than you can imagine and it's something that literally calls you constantly.

Some of us choose to run from or ignore that calling completely, others embrace it and run after it no matter the consequences or sacrifices that must be made.  

Whichever option we choose, I'm sure we all have those moments where we think something is wrong with us.  Why doesn't it seem like everyone has this same gravitational pull?  Why does my family, friends and everyone else seem so against it, rather than encouraging me, they tell me to take another path that's more "suitable" to what they consider normal?  Why does everyone else settle for average?

As the song says, "I know, everybody on this island seems so happy on this island... has a role on this island... maybe I can roll with mine".

There's something about that pull that sets us apart and makes us think that we're the ones out of line and we should just do our best to be like everyone else--what everyone else says is normal and/or acceptable.

The "island" described in these lyrics is the life I lived before I moved to Atlanta to follow my dreams in the entertainment industry.  I literally left behind the only comfort zone I knew in Kentucky to take a total leap of faith... and it was scary.  It still is sometimes.  

Often it seems like, until I get to my "Disney movie ending" and can make my family proud, help all the homeless I've adopted as family along my journey, and truly make a difference, not just for my people, but the world, I can never truly feel "accomplished". 

There were so many times I thought it'd be best to just blend in, go with the flow...
"I'll be satisfied if I play along... But the voice inside sings a different song..."  And it's true!

Life sure can be easier when you make a conscience decision to settle for mediocre.  The problem is that calling won't go away.  It'll just be buried deep reminding you that you're not being and doing who you were created to be and what you were created to do.


Moana was truly inspiring.  The character, played by Auli'i Cravalho, was brave even when she doubted herself.  She persevered through every obstacle, even with all odds stacked against her.  She dreamed big and saw a solution for every problem even when it didn't seem like the most realistic one to everyone else.  Moana truly embodies the representation for all of us that others perceive as "crazy" because we dream so big, so far, so wide and so deep... just like the ocean.

I was in my twenties the first time I'd ever laid eyes on the ocean.  I remember making the statement that I honestly was starting to believe it was just one of those things you see on TV that doesn't exist in real life.  When I'd see it in movies I'd desire to go there but the longer it took, the less it seemed like a possibility.  The more I doubted.

Isn't that how it is though?  

It's hard to believe in something you've never even seen, yet some things are so easy for people to believe exists anyway, like a million dollars... or the ocean.

The ocean... it's the only thing I've ever come in contact with that's as big as my own dreams and it made my dreams seem so small and so... realistic... so possible.

I knew once I saw the sea that nothing would be able to stop me from going after all that I dream about accomplishing one day.  At that point I had something real to compare it to. 

Much the same as the ocean, as the song says, "no one knows how far it goes"....  Isn't that amazing?

Even though I've actually seen this phenomenon now, myself and everyone else on the planet still have no idea how deep it is... Although we learn more about it through exploration, there is still so much mystery about it's depths, so much that we just don't know.  

Well that's how it is with our dreams... and we have to SEE IT in our minds just like the ocean... Even though we can't see every detail of it or exactly how it will happen, at least we know it's real, and we keep exploring and learning as we go.

I'm still fascinated by the ocean and never take the sight, smell, and sound of it for granted on any occasion in which I've returned to it.  It's been the one tangible thing that makes me sure of what I'm created for.

In the movie, Moana was "chosen" by the ocean to return a rock to it's rightful place but she had no idea how she would impact the world and, (so as not to spoil the ending) she had no idea exactly how this purpose of hers would play out.  She just went with it and she ended up doing much more than just what she'd originally set out to do.  

This was a reminder to me that even with the calling that we know is much bigger than us... even with our big imaginations... there is still so much we don't know or see about our future and our purpose.  All we have to do is embrace and begin to walk in it, fearlessly, against all odds and watch how God will use us and even aid us along the way.

If you haven't seen Moana, get up and go get it from your local Redbox now!  Especially if you can relate to this blog.  I'm telling you... it's going to make that pull stronger, and sometimes that's just what you need to go ahead and start moving forward.  Stop allowing your life and the people around you to make you complacent.  That's NOT who YOU are!

If you relate to this article that's all the proof you need to know that YOU have a bigger purpose and calling on your life.  If it's calling you then go after it! 

Don't get to the end of your story and look back with regret wishing you'd "sailed beyond the reef"... jump on the boat and ride the waves!

By the way... You're Welcome! ;-) 
(Inside joke... you'll get it once you watch the movie.)

At one point I honestly thought the ocean didn't exist.
Like my dreams it was something I'd only seen on TV or in my mind.
Like my dreams, it does exist, I've just got to get to it to see it for myself.
Don't let anyone convince you that your dreams aren't just as real as the ocean...
...deep and still so much to be discovered. ~ Vitelle

When Things Are Perfectly Orchestrated... You Know That's God!

As you know, Adrian's Celebration of Life was this past Saturday... It's been the talk of the town for over a month now since his passing in March.  I wanted to dedicate tonight's blog to sharing just how amazing the event turned out and to say THANK YOU to everyone who made it possible!

This event, and everything leading up to it, was an incredible reminder of how amazing God is!  The way this entire production was orchestrated to perfection, despite various set-backs and in such a short amount of time was something I could have never accomplished on my own.  It was truly divine how everything fell into place and God placed it on people's hearts to get involved.

People came from all over to be a part of this celebration and I don't want to fail to acknowledge everyone who contributed.

      

First off, we were blessed to have a couple of special guests... Adrian's own flesh and blood.  His Aunt Paulie & Cousin Vanessa drove all the way up from Alabama... and his cousin Gwen Farris made sure that they, as well as herself, were in attendance.  They wouldn't have missed it for the world!

It was such an honor to have them there in the park where miracles would happen every Monday with this organization, with Adrian always right there at the center of it all.  I have no doubt he was right at the center of it all this weekend as well.

Friends of Adrian's, many who are still sleeping on the streets, where able to thank his family and personally give their condolences.  I know this meant the world to the family as well as the ones who loved Adrian and had the opportunity to do so.

I want to thank the directors of the Feed the Homeless Tour and everyone who contributed in some way leading up to the event.

Gail Christopher, Catherine West and Robin Duvall have stood by me since we made the organization official back in 2010.  Many have come and gone but these three have battled with me through thick and thin and I'm so grateful for them.  We were all blessed to be there for Adrian and make sure he knew how much he was loved until he breathed his last and it was important to all of us that we make sure other people know that they are loved as well.  No one should ever die out in the streets alone!

We had an amazing line up of talent who gave of their time and gifts to make a forgotten community feel appreciated.

Platinum Bar Entertainment's 

Dj Creshindo

Mica Brown

Ignatius Hines

Brutha War of "Bruthaz Grimm"

Jabias Mitchell AKA "Jabias Da Kid"

Team Jesus

Donnie James

...and special guest speaker Dr. LaTarsha Holden!

These talented performers rolled with us through every set back and gave a performance like you couldn't imagine.  The community of less fortunate were so grateful.  It warmed my heart to see everyone dancing and enjoying themselves together whether they were homeless or housed.  It was truly beautiful! 

 

     

LaTrice Scarlett came from Sports Clips and cut so many men's heads she lost count!

  

Kimberley Fennell rounded up her crew and thanks to her team at Pollo Tropical and Krystals we had some delicious food to serve!

   

Jeanette Pelt and her team at Sock Kingdom brought tons of socks for everyone!

Thanks to the Girls Giving Back Foundation we had electricity in the park.  

The John-Trell Foundation donated hygiene items, shoes and clothing.  Kimberly Neal and Tonya Renee also contributed with donations of clothing and flyers.  The Charging Station, Hydrate the Homeless team learned of the news on too short of notice to make it from Texas but they certainly helped us spread the word online and played their part even from so far away.  

We're looking forward to partnering with these organizations on upcoming events and making the world a better place together!

There were several others who contributed by helping to spread the word, coming out to lend a hand, and many who couldn't be there but would have loved to help.  I appreciate all of your prayers and support throughout this event!

WHAT'S NEXT?:  An organization has volunteered to pay the entire cost of Adrian's tombstone!!  So once those details are locked in we will post an update.  We hope to have a nice ceremony to lay him to rest in a properly marked grave and will invite anyone who would like to attend at this time.  Please stay tuned as those details are being orchestrated.

Never Struggle with a Poor Self Image Again!

The last several weeks have been all about my learning experiences and revelations surrounding Adrian's passing.  Granted there have been a lot and I could keep going for years blogging about those alone, but tonight, I'm going to get just a little off topic as there is something else I feel needs to be discussed.

One of the things I have struggled with for years has been my self image.  From the outside looking in people see a beautiful woman with many talents, confident, strong, capable... however this is something I have always struggled to see for myself.

Although I know the obvious facts at hand, I often feel incapable or unworthy and over the years I have learned that millions of people struggle with these same difficulties... I am not alone.  So today I want to discuss them, specifically from a spiritual standpoint, so that someone else who may be dealing with this can know that they are not alone too!

It is certainly a great quality to be humble and understand that the things you are able to accomplish do not come from your own power and ability but are a blessing and gift from our creator, there is a healthy balance that must be obtained in knowing that you are worth the time and effort it took, not only for God to create you, but for Him to continue to grow and perfect you daily throughout your entire existence.

Although you may be one of the few who realizes your life is for His Glory and not your own, you must also realize that He created YOU capable, gifted, beautiful... perfect for your purpose.  You must realize that you are a child of the KING and this fact alone makes you ROYALTY.

It is true that many of us, especially in America these days, walk around thinking so highly of ourselves that we see ourselves as better than everyone else around us.  This false self image applies to men and women alike, however, for this particular blog I'm going to speak to the women, since it is how I can best relate of course.

Whether it is the way we were brought up, childhood experiences, media perception, the way men have treated us, the things people have said about us... there are so many reasons that our own self image can become so misconstrued.

How often are we exposed to music that degrades us, television in which we degrade ourselves and each other, relationships that break us down rather than build us up?  I could go on for hours listing all the causes of our own self hatred... However, if you're relating to this at all yet, you probably know them all.  I want to talk about the solution rather than give so much energy to the problem we're already aware of.

Now I admit, this is going to be one of those solutions that seems easier said than done, but the truth is the only solution to this problem so many of us face is to change our mindset.

Well how in the world do I do that?

Well, it's certainly not as easy as it sounds.  It takes time, patience, research... in fact, depending on how deep the problem is for you, it's much like going to college and devoting your entire existence for that period of time to doing whatever you have to do to graduate, hopefully with honors.

I speak for myself when I tell you that I personally have had to try various methods over time to change my mind set, but the fact is, it is because I recognize my mindset as the main problem that I'm able to focus my energy on correcting it.

When you have constantly been fed lies and negativity year after year, it's going to take some time to undo the thinking that those experiences have caused.  I advise you to allow yourself the time you need.  Be patient with yourself and don't put yourself down even worse when you do slip back into your old way of thinking for a moment.  Remember how long it took you to get your thinking the way it is now and allow yourself at least half that time to fix it.

Work on eliminating things that would feed that negative self-worth.  Refrain from listening to music that minimizes a woman's worth.  Don't expose yourself to "reality" TV, music videos, or any media that tells you you're worthless if you don't meet these standards.

And here's one of the hardest parts... Disassociate yourself with people who tear you down rather than build you up.  If there is anyone in your life, whether they are a friend, family member, spouse, etc. that says things on a regular basis to you, constantly feeding that feeling of worthlessness, you need to break those ties today!

I know in some instances it's a little harder to do this... Like maybe you've been married 10 years, you have children together, you feel like you have nowhere else to go, etc.  Start by disconnecting yourself emotionally.  Disconnection doesn't necessarily have to be physical.  Put up a wall that will not allow that person's negative words or actions to penetrate your light.  Focus on loving YOU and treating yourself like the queen you are.  Once you do that, all of your relationships will align correctly.

When something or someone tries to come against that light you are creating for yourself, rebuke that energy immediately and don't let it have any affect on you.  You are trying to get your mind to an impenetrable place and that's going to be a lot harder if you continue to let things in that work against your efforts.  Put up a forcefield of protection and when you see the missiles being fired, push a mental button to throw that force field up and protect your mind, heart, and soul.

If the mental or emotional abuse has gone beyond that to becoming physical, that's a whole other blog, but you've definitely got to put some distance between you and your abuser in order to work on your mind and get better.  A mental wall won't work in this instance.  You'll need to protect yourself physically first.

You have to see the feelings you are dealing with as an illness.  They do not define who you are.  This is just an "addiction" you are dealing with at the moment.  You have become accustomed to those feelings based on your circumstances and now you need to heal and learn how to not feel this way any more.  It sounds simple but it's true.  You need to go to rehab in every sense of the experience.

It's hard to determine how long this process will take but I know from experience that it works a lot faster when you're exposing yourself on a regular basis to things and people that remind you who you REALLY are.  YOU ARE A QUEEN!

Watch Youtube videos encouraging your self-esteem, read blogs just like the one you're reading now, have conversations with people who can relate and encourage each other... and make sure that you tell yourself every day, out loud, in the mirror, that you are created perfectly for a purpose that only YOU can accomplish.

YOU ARE SPECIAL.  

YOU ARE DIFFERENT.  

YOU ARE A QUEEN!

PS.  If you're looking for a good place to start with this process, I encourage you to get a copy of Queen V. by Derrick Little.  Following along with this interactive workbook has definitely aided me in realizing my greatness and I want to share it with you in hopes it will help you as well.  If you experience feelings of worthlessness or low self-esteem, it is not something you should take lightly or disregard... YOU ARE GREAT & it's time you start living and walking in that GREATNESS!

Follow Queen V on Facebook!

Can You Hear the Cry of the Poor?

These last few weeks have been focused on Adrian and the circumstances surrounding his passing.  Almost daily, someone else whose life he had touched finds out that he is no longer with us and proclaims to me how they “can’t believe it”.

I can’t believe it either, but what’s even harder to believe is how long his lifeless body lay in the streets without anyone even noticing he was in trouble.  I keep thinking that if someone had responded to him sooner, maybe we would be celebrating his recovery right now rather than the end of his suffering through death.

The lack of empathy we as a society have for each other sickens me.  The entire situation is heart breaking.  Whether you knew Adrian personally or not, I am sure you would agree.

Regardless, as Adrian would have wanted, we remain encouraged and maintain our mission to encourage others to show concern for their fellow man. 

With just two more weeks before the big celebration in the park, I want to make sure that everyone understands the significance of this upcoming event.  We aren’t just commemorating a life lost or celebrating the amazing person Adrian was, we’re also thinking about the homeless individuals who suffer daily in the streets, many literally dying, yet so few even acknowledge their existence, let alone show them they are loved.  At "Adrian’s Celebration of Life", this is exactly what we plan to do.

Adrian, although homeless himself, made it his daily mission to help “the least of these”, even on days when all he had to give was a prayer and a word from God.

As I plan for this event, my thoughts are on what Adrian would want to happen, how he would feel about each part of this process, and how he would contribute, as he always had when we planned our weekly events in Hurt Park in the years past. 

Each time we make some significant progress or get some good news, I always look at his photo on the obituary in the visor of my car and say with a smile, “Look at that Adrian!  Did you see what God just did!”  And although I’m looking forward to seeing this entire celebration come together in honor of him, I’m not looking forward to being out there in Hurt Park without him.  I’m not looking forward to what that reality is going to feel like.

Many of the people participating in this event didn’t know Adrian personally but they have a heart to want to help and I’m so thankful for everyone who has committed themselves, their talent, and their time, to making this event a success.

I want to use this blog to acknowledge and thank everyone who is a part of the event so far!  As you look over this list, I hope that you too will strongly consider joining this occasion.  Everyone can play a part in some way!  Please do not turn a blind eye like the majority. 

 Proverbs 21:13  

“Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor will himself 

call out and not be answered.”

Dj Creshendo will be over the music department keeping our guests entertained!

Brutha War is performing LIVE some of his encouraging original singles!

Ignatius Hines will bless us with his saxophone melodies!

Jabias Mitchell AKA "Jabias Da Kidd" & his crew will represent for the youth who care about the homeless community and set an example for upcoming generations!

Pastor LaTarsha Holden, will be sharing from her own experiences how she won the fight against homelessness!  She's now a published Author & running for Atlanta City Council!

... And this is just the beginning!

To Sign Up to Perform or Speak EMAIL US!

Let's not forget about the organizations, churches, ministries & businesses
who are making this event possible...

  

If you church, organization or business would like to contribute by either setting up a table to distribute or making a donation please EMAIL US!

... and finally a HUGE THANK YOU 

to all of our 

AMAZING VOLUNTEERS & DONORS!!!

Gail Christopher
Catherine West
Gwen McGuire
LaTrice C. Scarlett
Kimberly Fennell
Tonya Renee
Deanna Flemming
Coretta Jones
Kimberly Neal

It's not too late to be a part of the festivities!  

By next week, we want this list to have TRIPLED in size!  

So CONTACT US if you would like to contribute in some way!

Plus don't forget to forward this to a friend & spread the word!

Are you going to die one day?

Everyone has that pivotal moment that causes them to really evaluate where they are in life.  When someone close to you passes away, especially, it causes you to come to the realization that life is much too short.

When was the last time you really took a look at your life and reevaluated your game plan based on how little time we each get?

As much as you plan and try to shape your life into what you want it to be, there are only a few things that are inevitable, and those things are bills and death.  We're all going to have some kind of bills and expenses, even those of us with very little possessions.  We all have to eat, and eventually every one of us is going to have to die, whether unexpectedly or of old age.  Of course, when referring to the inevitable, we all hope for the latter, but that isn't always the hand we're dealt.

Most of us who aren't quite in our elderly stages yet don't really think too much about dying.  I wonder why that is?  Everyone just walks around assuming nothing is going to happen to them between now and the time they're old and wrinkly on their death bed, but how often do unforeseen events occur that end lives much sooner than anyone had expected?

When it comes down to it, the truth is, we can all die at any given moment due to any given circumstance... and that is just a fact, however difficult it may be to accept.

I know my blog post sounds a bit morbid so far but bare with me, I do have a point.

Over the past couple of years I have really become interested in how to better plan for the inevitable and make sure that I leave my children with something to ensure that they will not have a financial burden placed upon them in the event of my death.  I've come to the realization, especially with Adrian's recent passing and my grandfather not too long before, someone is going to have to be responsible for my burial expenses.  That just isn't something you want your family to have to worry about at such a stressful time.

I've only recently learned that if no one takes on the responsibility, or you did not leave the funds to be able to cover that expense, you'll literally be thrown into a cardboard box and your loved ones will have exactly 15 minutes to commemorate the life you once lived, not a minute more, before you're put in the ground right next to someone else who couldn't afford a real funeral.  Heaven forbid your family want to have a gravestone or marker so that they can visit your resting place in the future.  They're going to need at least $600 just for that.

When you think about it, the most expensive thing most of us will ever do is die.

I'm not writing this blog to scare you or get you to think negatively.  On the contrary, I hope to encourage you to plan for this one event that we all will experience but so many of us fail to plan for.

The fact is that most of us, especially under age 50, do not have a life insurance policy or a Will, and until recently I didn't realize how scary that reality was.  I've taken steps to ensure that not only will my children not be left with the financial burden of funeral expenses, but will also have financial security for their future, and I'm teaching them the importance of this so that they too can plan for the future of their own children.


Isn't it about time that we start some family traditions that will be beneficial for generations to come?

I'm sure there are many things that as an adult you can say, "I wish someone had taught me about this when I was younger".  Things like the importance of credit, how to invest in stocks, 401k and savings plans... and of course having a Will and a life insurance.

That is what made me decide to get my life insurance license and now, not only is my own family covered, but I'm also helping other families plan ahead so that they don't have to suffer when they lose a loved one.  So many people don't even think that they can afford life insurance but honestly, none of us can afford not to have it.  For as little as the price you spend on fast food in a week, you can secure the financial future of your loved ones.

It's as simple as that yet for some reason we make it so complicated!

So now it's time to ask yourself what's most important to you!

If this is something you hadn't really thought about until now, or perhaps you had thought about it but never took the steps to obtain life insurance, you need to contact me right away!

Don't wait until it's too late!  Don't make the same mistake that THOUSANDS of people across the country make every single day!  Get yourself and your family covered so you don't have to regret not making this decision.  It should be easy!

CONTACT ME NOW!

God Will Use You Wherever You Are!

These past few weeks have been very strenuous to say the least.  I’m sure you read about the passing of my friend and father figure, Adrian Stevenson.  What you didn't know is that there was even more going on behind the scenes during that time than I even had the time to write about.

I'll never forget the day Adrian left this earth.  I had planned to come visit him again that Wednesday night because I didn't want the last time I saw him in that hospice to be the last time I saw him amongst the living.  Although I was still hoping and believing for a miracle, I knew the odds he had, and I understood that if it was God's will for Adrian’s time with us to come to an end I would have to prepare myself for that possibility as well.

When I got the call that morning warning me that he was having trouble breathing and we may not have much longer with him I asked to be put on speaker so that I could talk to him once more before it was too late.

Adrian was the type of person that would do anything for those he loved and I knew he loved me, and this organization, very much.  I knew that he was fighting hard, even after being removed from life support several days earlier.  I knew that it was very likely he was fighting so hard because he knew we wanted him to get better.  All we'd been saying to him is how we still wanted him here and didn't want to lose him, but we hadn't thought about the pain he's experienced here and the fact that he may very well want to let go.

I could hear him over the phone painfully gasping for precious air.  In those final moments, I told him that I understood if he was too tired and needed to go home to rest.  I made sure he knew that he’d taught us well and his work will not have been in vain.  I reassured him we would hold it down until we meet again.  I said my last goodbye to this incredible angel God had blessed us to know and I asked him to put in a good word for me with Jesus when he got to the other side.  

As hard as it was to do, I let Adrian go, knowing that he would be at peace and no longer homeless or suffering.  He took his final breath just minutes later.

As if this day wasn't difficult enough already, that very night I get a phone call from the Sherrif's Department claiming that there was a warrant out for my arrest and I needed to turn myself in immediately.  At first I thought this had to be a mistake but as I questioned the officer on the source of this "outstanding warrant" I was reminded how distractions often come as soon as we’ve made up our minds to give it our all and focus on what God has purposed us for.  With that in mind I thought to myself, “this doesn’t surprise me at all”.

It never fails, every time I regain my focus and am determined to change the world with my organization, it's like the floodgates of hell open up and I'm overwhelmed with everything that could possibly stunt my progress or even cause me to want to give up.

Can you relate? 

Without going into too much detail regarding these bogus charges; I want to make sure I get my point across and not go off on a tangent.  I will say that the officer basically told me that the only option I had to get rid of this outstanding warrant was to go to jail and be bailed out.  As I dug deeper with the help of various lawyers and friends I found out that these original allegations where much more serious than I'd thought and if I didn't get a lawyer to take care of it I could be looking at some serious time in prison. 

Although the thought of possibly missing years of my children's lives was excruciating, I knew that this was not a coincidence that it just happened to come up the day of Adrian's passing.  I don't believe in coincidence so I could only believe and rest assured that God was up to something.

After several hundred phone calls and finally securing a lawyer, I went down to the prison to do the inevitable.  I didn't want this warrant, no matter how ridiculous it may be, to be looming as I was trying to prepare for the funeral services that Adrian's family had entrusted me to assist with.  I wasn’t going to let anything interfere with Adrian’s service being everything we had in our power to make it, because he deserved the best.

I'd expected it would take a few hours to get processed and bailed out, but I didn't expect I'd come in first thing in the morning and not be free until later that night.  I'd expected to be surrounded by cold hard criminals, but what I didn't expect was a room full of hurting women... mothers, young adults, many very scared, worried--unsure of what was going to happen to them next.  Some admitted their crimes and poor judgment in their situation, others, like myself had no idea that a seemingly innocent act years ago would lead to where they were at the moment.

Once I was in the holding cell with about 30 other women, I realized very quickly that this day was not going to be anything like what I expected.  Despite my own circumstance I did what I do best and set aside my own problems to focus on the other hurt souls in the room.  I began to walk around and just ask God to use me in this situation. 

As I was compelled to talk to each individual, each time I did, she began to poor her heart out and share her pain with me.  I prayed with many of the women throughout the day.  Other's that I didn't have a chance to pray with heard my prayers so I'm sure they were still touched by it in some way.  I became excited, as what I had once thought would be an awful experience became the most amazing act of God I'd ever witnessed.

I entered the prison that day with a smile on my face because I was determined to trust God in the midst of it all.  I left with the same smile on my face that I'd walked in with, except this time it was saying, “Look what God has done!”

I’ll be honest, I hesitated to write my blog about this today.  Sometimes it’s hard to be an open book for fear of judgment and criticism, but we all have a testimony and this one in particular truly shows how God can use any situation or current circumstance to His Glory!  So I came to the conclusion, and I’ll say the same to you… your testimony can’t help anyone if you keep it to yourself.

That one day I spent in a holding cell was probably the best day I’d had since the first day I went out into the parks feeding and loving on the homeless.  It felt so good to be God’s useful vessel again and for what I thought would discourage me to have motivated me in such a way that I am on fire for God's purpose and plan.

I pray for each and every woman I met that day!  I pray that their situations got resolved, lessons where learned, mercy and grace was granted… I pray that they leave their cells soon and with a sense of redemption.  I pray that they know their worth and that they are so important that God saw fit to put me right where I needed to be just for them!

I will end by saying this… When you realize that your life is not your own and you become a living sacrifice, allowing and asking God to use you in every way, every day you are given, NOTHING CAN EVER HAPPEN TO YOU!  Everything that happens from this point on will happen FOR YOU, WITH YOU, AND BECAUSE OF YOU!  There is nothing that can go wrong because you understand that everything that God allows, even when it looks bad, if you allow Him, He will use it for your benefit and the benefit of those around you!

Adrian certainly understood this better than any of us.  As he wandered the streets a homeless man, many saw him as a prophet because he used his displacement on a daily basis to be a messenger of God, constantly spreading God's love, prayer & scripture.  He would often proclaim to us that he stood in need of nothing, but he was constantly grateful for every opportunity to preach, teach, and pray.  He saw his own situation as a position God ALLOWED him to be in rather than something that had happened to him.

So understand that YOU are blessed and highly favored!  Wherever you are, ask God, “how can I be of service even now, even in this”.  Let him work your mess out and it become the greatest thing that’s ever happened FOR you! 

NEWS UPDATE:

Adrian's "Celebration of Life" will be held on April 29th from 3pm-6pm in Hurt Park. Save the date & make plans to attend & show the community that we stand together for those hurting and in need!  We are calling all organizations, ministries, churches, volunteers, etc. to participate and/or donate.  Email thehomelesstour@gmail.com for more information or call (678) 709-8505.

You can also contribute by making a monetary contribution!